Is there something wrong with me?

[Nevergiveup5]

Ok. I'm a little frustrated more so then anything.
Everytime I try and tell my husband how I feel (my feelings), if my feelings are negative feelings I have he will say something like "here we go again!" Or he starts getting angry and it's almost like a defense mode. Recently he has called me a Cunt infront of our Children and it was only yesterday my Children all (4 of them) came to me and said "mummy why did daddy call you a bitch?" And I was like "I don't think he did!" And they were like "he did, he did we heard him!" And I was like "oh, I'm sure he didn't mean too!" Today I asked him about it and he got angry and stormed off and tonight it was "oh nah the kids must have misunderstood what I said!"
You know once upon a time many years ago i called him a cunt, only because he upset me and I was sitting there crying and he goes "oh you are just a cry baby!" Never again have I called him that again. But, no one is perfect. I guess I'm tired , I feel so low, low to the point I even disconnected my phone number and now have no phone. We were going to counselling but after the children told me that yesterday I said to our counselor ,"I'm not going until he is going to stop blaming everything on me. He called me a narcissist after that. I mean is it narcissistic when you openly say how you feel by someone calling you names? Anyway we are in a family business and hes the charge person however I do work aswell. I guess I just dont know what I feel anymore.

It sounds like he doesn't like you very much and definitely doesn't respect you. But that's a choice he makes, because he can. I'd take that choice away from him by removing myself from him. There is nothing wrong with you, but he is determined to have you think there is.

And no you are not a narcissist. He is merely projecting his own self and self hatred onto you. Such men hate women, all of them.

He is abusive towards you and in turn your children who are picking up on all this. You cannot fully protect yourself currently from his abuses of you, let alone them.

What do you want to teach them about relationships and what are they learning here?. Is this really the role model of a relationship they should be seeing, they are learning that yes men do treat women like this. And the cycle continues.

Joint counselling with an abuser is a complete and utter waste of time. Counselling for yourself on your own should be done if only to work out exactly why you have stayed with him to date. How can you be helped into leaving your abuser?.

How much of a role do you play in the family business; who out of you two in this is more senior (I guess him). Do you draw a salary from this?. Is it profitable?.

You do realise that the only acceptable level of abuse in a relationship is none.

Consider also what you learnt about relationships when you were growing up.

Do not remain with such a man either because of the children or this family run business. Both are no basis at all to be with him now.

There is nothing wrong with you, but everything wrong with him.

Thanks for the comments. We have been together 12 years. Oh I know the children pick up on it because they come to me for comfort. I'm a clean person but If there is even a toy on the ground he yells at the children and so I think maybe I should have the house in pristine condition all the time. If I haven't done the dishes straight away before we have dinner he walks into the kitchen and goes "fuck". I'm one to do the dishes every single night I dont like waking up and having dishes to clean up. So it's not like it's a pig sty you know. Ill give him credit because he does bath the baby and that is a routine thing that I created from the first child. He makes sure every single child is washed every night.
How much of a role do I play in the business?
Yes I work in the business 6 months of the year ,everyday with no days off. For four of those months I will mostly work from 830 am until 11pm and take the children to work and then when he needs a rest I happily go and work for him and give him a rest.
Basically when he needs me I'm there. So I do try my best for him. So yes I do draw from our business drawings but to feed the family. I dont usually buy for myself.
You know I told him I was going to sell anything of mine that was worth anything so I could put a roof over our childrens heads and buy them stuff and he goes "they have already got a roof over their bloody heads!" I'm like stop calling me names and he's like "I don't!" So everytime he says something that puts me down he will turn it on me and say he didn't say something. And then I'm left there wondering if I'm actually going insane. Like am I going insane? Is there something wrong with me? Do people actually do that, say something nasty and then say "I didn't say that".
He literally goes into like a panick mode if I ever mention I'm going to get my own house and move.. So is he using these words to control me? I actually havent figured out how that goes.
But, worst of all he does turn this on me because he goes to my mum, his mum and my step dad for comfort and talks about all the issues I have...... 🤷‍♀️ And guys my mum is a people pleaser she listens and understands. So I feel like I cant tell her nothin!! But, I've got no support whatsoever because he makes them all believe I have problems.

You're in an abusive relationship, OP.

Please start making plans to leave.