Hello, Im new to writing threads so im not upto scratch with abbreviations ect but i really need to talk as im so lonely & sad.
Ive been with my Husband a long time since we were 16 were now in our mid 30s been married for 5 years now and have 2 beautiful girls. We have always had ups and downs and my husband has not always been a saint Ive gotten over alot of crap hes put me through in our younger years but one thing i will say he is loyal & faithful and theres no doubt in my mind that he would ever cheat. He is just very stubborn, hates being wrong and likes a drink! and thats been the root cause of alot of arguments over the years, but he forgets all this.
Anyway we had a drunken argument last weekend as he accused me joking around with our eldest daughter as me being a bully to her which deeply upset me because he obviously misread the situation! Of course i waited until children were in bed to talk to him but as we had both had some drinks being a saturday night it escalated quick as he wouldnt take it that he was wrong, now i admit that i drank more than I normally would due to being upset and we got into a huge row where he tried to walk away rather than sort out and i wouldnt let him as i hate going to bed on an argument! I started telling my husband i wanted him out the house and to leave as he got personal in the argument he got in my face and i pushed him ( hes never been violent towards me by the way) i even threatened to call the police if he didnt leave as he was saying he was going no where, id picked up my phone and he had smacked it out my hand.
Eventually we ended up going to bed and sleeping it off when we woke up i did apologise for my behaviour what i could remember as i don’t normally get that drunk but all he could do was remind me how awful i was and that i pushed him and that i threatened to call police ect i told him how sorry i was and of course i didnt want him to leave but he must have said things to make me react like that to which he went off on one saying im making excuses for myself even though i apologised.
All week and this weekend ive felt so alone awkward and not wanted in my own home by him, hes spoken to me when hes had to but when i try and talk about us he gets all irritated saying these things take time, he doesnt know how he feels about me now, he needs time to think meanwhile im left in the dark as he never talks about his feelings unless i ask hes always been the same. Im sat here tonight just wanting to cry i feel like the worse person in the world for how i behaved but he has done some pretty nasty things in the past to and ive got over them but i dare not say that to him. I don’t understand if you love each other you would much rather talk and get back on track surely? Than drag the pain out?
This is the first time hes ever made me feel like i don’t have him anymore, i feel like he hates me! and wouldnt care less if i ever came home again! Hes quite happy for us to sit and watch tv in silence, he makes no conversation with me! everytime i try to talk about us he gets irritated and shoots me down he has even said that even if it dont work between us we stay living together and civil for the kids! That its selfish to split up because of them, i told him in couldnt live like that knowing i was in a loveless relationship for the sake of the kids? I need that special someone to love and to love me to but apparently thats me being selfish...
im so sorry this is such a waffling thread but i hope someone will talk to me give your opinions because im so alone right now.
Thanks