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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I’m driving myself crazy

7 replies

helliegram · 31/01/2021 16:08

DH used a website that broke the trust in the relationship. The website was untoward but was not cheating in itself to me, but close (nothing like IE or Fab - that’s cheating IMO).

After reading it all and “using” the website to understand it, I decided I could, with lots of progress, move past it.

I have OCD and I have become fixated on this sort of thing. I was doing so well then had a weird inkling and tried to see if DH had an account again by using his email - he did. However it hasn’t been used (you can tell easily - can’t be deleted). I know the account was created since the last time. Before he used a fake name and email, so why use the email I also use to set up an account? Basically the logic isn’t there.

This is my dilemma, in my checking, it’s possible I created the account. The logic is semi there... I thought if he was going to do it again on that email then he’d be in for a surprise especially as I’d know (as it’s my account?)

But I don’t remember - I have a slight feeling I did it, but can’t be sure.
My friends think I did do it as it sounds like me.

I’m in mental torture. If he went back on it the trust is completely gone and we’d have to end but I don’t want to. If I did it, I am driving myself mad.

Help?

OP posts:
EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 31/01/2021 16:13

What help are you looking for, OP? Nobody on here is going to be able to tell you whether you created the account trying to catch him out, or not.

Personally I'd draw a line under it and move on - but then I don't believe anyone should be policing their partners' masturbation habits.

helliegram · 31/01/2021 16:26

@EvenMoreFuriousVexation it wasn’t porn, I don’t care about porn...

I suppose I’m looking for what to do. Do I assume the worst, that I did it? How do I draw a line? I am obsessive with thoughts and I have finished therapy. But I wasn’t prepared for this scenario!

OP posts:
category12 · 31/01/2021 16:34

Surely you'd know if you created it Confused

Go back to therapy, you're not finished.

helliegram · 31/01/2021 16:58

@category12 I don’t remember. I thought I would; that’s why I think that I’m convincing myself I did to avoid the heartbreak.

I can’t have any more therapy- it was NHS.

OP posts:
MaLarkinn · 01/02/2021 16:10

This is what your relationship will be like now.....

LadyWhistleUp · 01/02/2021 16:36

It does sound a bit unwise for him to make it using that address and it hasn't been used. I'd suggest giving him the benefit of the doubt this time. Draw a line. If you do anything again to test him then make a note. There's no point in torturing yourself about something you'll never get to the bottom of. Even if you quizzed him he's likely to deny. Move on.

Onthedunes · 01/02/2021 17:57

Is he quite computer literate?

If so I really can't imagine him making an account using a shared email.
I would let this one go op, put it to rest , it will do your mental health no good, there is doubt, reasonable doubt that he did it.
I think it is entirely possible you did this whilst investigating.

Try to focus on something else.
I hope you start feeling better soon.

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