Another Instagram one.

[Whydidthechickencrosstheroad]

My DH does a sport and socialises with the people he meets through the sport. That’s always been fine by me. He uses his Instagram account to follow his sport friends (both male and female) and also posts pictures of himself doing that sport. Also fine by me. I have an Instagram count too and we follow each other.
Recently I noticed he started following a couple of women who do the same sport at the same place who he has never mentioned but are likely to be acquaintances. They are younger and post lots of sexy photos of themselves doing the sport or posing with the sport equipment. Their focus is clearly on posting sexy shots of themselves in underwear/bikinis/tight clothing rather than the sport itself.

This makes me feel really uncomfortable since they are probably part of his social circle. The idea that he’s been hanging out with them while I stay at home looking after the kids doesn’t sit well with me.

I get that men like porn but this feels different.

FTR I don’t think it’s likely that he will run off with them, he probably just enjoys the photos.

Am I over reacting?

Is he liking the photos or just following them?

I think if he knows them then following them is okay. If he starts liking individual sexy pics and messaging them then you have a problem. Unfortunately you won’t know which is which unless you snoop - and generally if you feel the need to snoop the relationship is doomed anyway.

I don’t think he is liking individual photos but I don’t know how I’d know.

Writing this post helped me clarify- I can put up him looking with a bit of porn in private. I‘m fine with him socialising with women who I don’t know. I do not like the idea of him drooling/wanking over provocative photos of people he knows irl.

@Whydidthechickencrosstheroad there's nothing at all to say that's what he's doing though... are their profiles public? You'd be able to see if he's liked photos but even then it doesn't mean he's wanking over them.

Is it a motorsport?

I think it's weird to be OK with him following his sports friends on Instagram UNLESS they're attractive. Because that's the only difference between these women and all the others he followed before, isn't it?

I follow a few people who are prone to posting an overtly sexy selfie here and there. I don't follow them FOR that, I follow them because I know them. And it's always people who are into sports/gym/fitness stuff - and to be honest I don't blame them, they work hard for their bodies and are proud of them. If my DP told me to stop following someone I know because they'd posted a buff shirtless picture I'd tell him to sod off tbh.

@Bagelsandbrie why is ‘liking’ the photos a problem but looking at them isn’t?

I don’t want to snoop. I’d rather have an honest conversation with him but wanted some opinions before I raise it with him.

[quote Whydidthechickencrosstheroad]@Bagelsandbrie why is ‘liking’ the photos a problem but looking at them isn’t?

I don’t want to snoop. I’d rather have an honest conversation with him but wanted some opinions before I raise it with him.[/quote]
Because for me sometimes in certain situations someone may feel they need to follow someone to be polite or seem friendly - for example my husband has a very active Instagram page as he’s got some very specific and unusual hobbies but a lot of people from his work follow him, some of them women and he will follow them back because otherwise he would seem like an arse and I understand that (I do the same vice versa). But if he then started to “like” sexy posts of them or individual selfies etc I would find that weird and a bit flirty. I appreciate not everyone feels the same.

Can u tell us what the sport is?

@gannetti I didn’t say that I don’t like him following attractive women. He follows women who are attractive who do the sport but their posts are about them doing the sport. That’s fine.
I said I have an issue with him following women who mostly post deliberately provocative photos of themselves. Their posts are deliberately sexy and don’t have much to do with the sport itself.
If that wasn’t clear from my original post then I apologise.

In the olden days the closest your other half would get to personally knowing someone whose scantily-clad photos were published would be if the local girl had taken up page three modelling. They were the days.
I sympathise with you, OP, but please remember that instagram images are far-removed from reality. Sometimes I barely recognise my own daughter in her images.
I tell you what I'd do: follow them as well. Develop a new-found interest in their sport or pretend you admire the aesthetic quality of the images thy choosing to share with the world.

[quote Whydidthechickencrosstheroad]@gannetti I didn’t say that I don’t like him following attractive women. He follows women who are attractive who do the sport but their posts are about them doing the sport. That’s fine.
I said I have an issue with him following women who mostly post deliberately provocative photos of themselves. Their posts are deliberately sexy and don’t have much to do with the sport itself.
If that wasn’t clear from my original post then I apologise.[/quote]
Sure, but he knows them IRL. And it seems he follows a lot of people who he does this sport with IRL so it's not like he's going out of his way to only follow sexy accounts. You can't really police what they choose to post on their own accounts, nor ask that he unfollow people he knows IRL just because their accounts are too sexy for your tastes.

There seems to be a deeper insecurity going on here though. I couldn't care less what sexy selfies my DP looks at because it doesn't affect how attracted he is to me, and vice versa. There are a lot of attractive people in this world and we all have eyes. It just has no bearing on our relationship.

Yes you're overreacting. You're assuming he's wanking over them because they're attractive. If he didn't follow them he could go on their pages, just as you have, and wank over their photos. If they work together and he follows everyone else and refused to follow these two women he'd probably come across as weird and creepy. What's he going to say on the works night out? "Sorry, I'm only allowed to follow ugly women or my wife thinks I wank off over them"....

Weird