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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Forgiving yourself for the ways you behaved whilst living in abuse?

1 reply

Whatisthis83 · 31/01/2021 12:26

When processing abuse how do you forgive yourself for the things you did?

I did some things that at the time I pushed aside, I didn’t have time to process but they festered away into depression over the decade we were together . I’ve been out a good few years now but every so often it gets me. I’ve had some counselling and I’ve done a great deal of reading. I understand I was surviving but it doesn’t change the fact that some things goes against my morals.

At the very beginning he forced sex upon me to get me pregnant and I had very little choice, was all very fast and I didn’t keep up. I chose to have an abortion because he scared me. It was the right decision although I went on to have a child much later on which I was again forced but I love her and wouldn’t change it.

I’m not happy that I put myself in that situation, I should have not let that happen. Although abuse is not something you choose but learn to live around and survive.

Has anyone been in the same situation and learned to just “let it go”. I am at times really not happy with myself but I want a life now that is happy.

OP posts:
pyramidhead · 31/01/2021 13:24

Try not to beat yourself up about how you may have behaved in response to abuse.
I was in an abusive relationship too, by the end of it I was like a crazy insecure mess. I behaved totally out of my own character and this shocked me and I still think of it sometimes.
Time will heal, just be glad you are now out of it. You made the best decisions that you could in a less than ideal situation.
Try counselling if you are really having trouble getting past it all. Sometimes you just need someone from the outside to light the way for you.

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