I grew up in the 70’s/80’s with a very controlling mother and a distant father. My sister (18 months younger than me) was golden child.
As I got older I challenged my parent’s views more and this further ostracised me as the black sheep and enhanced my sister’s status as the golden child. The more I rebelled, the more she conformed so by my teens family life was miserable. I left as soon as I could.
Fast forward 30 years. My sister has made life choices over the years which have disappointed my parents. They had to bail her out of debt (10’s thousands of pounds), she’s terrible at saving money etc. I suppose I have led a more conventional life financially eg saved money, no debt apart from student loan (paid off) and mortgage. So I suppose the old family dynamic of golden child/ black sheep shifted a bit over the past 2 decades or so.
Anyway, my sister and I are both married now with kids. My sister lived abroad for ten years or so and came back a couple of years ago and bought a house , with her family, close to mine and so we all live close to each other (parents live locally as well).
My parents as mentioned before, have always been controlling and this has lead to major confidence, self esteem issues in both me and my sister. Up until my early 40s I literally couldn’t make a decision without consulting them first - I never even really realised it until about 5 years ago when I realised how damaging their control was after looking deeper into myself. Since then I have made a conscious effort to stand on my own two feet, make my own decisions in spite of how scary that can be. I still remain in contact with my parents on a weekly basis but I’m very discerning with what I tell them. My sister, on the other hand, is still completely caught up in their control. She tells them absolutely everything eg her husband’s work appraisals, how much he earns etc. She consults them over everything, eg I sat with my head in my hands cringing as they nearly messed up her house purchase through their interfering. She hosts them for Sunday lunches even though my mum is very critical of her house and kids etc. What I’m trying to say is that 30 years on it’s all gone full circle again and I’m finding myself back in the old black sheep vs sheep golden child dynamic. It’s bringing back lots of painful childhood feelings and I don’t know really know how to deal with it. I don’t really know why I’m writing this. Just needed to vent.