Is it just how I'm feeling

[ree1805]

Hi I hope I don't write this to long. Me and my partner seem to have drifted alot we have been together 7 yrs.
I just feel so lonely my 2 children are older and amuse themselves so they are mainly in their rooms although we do spend time together. Me and my partner both work in a school so are on a rota basis at the min so we both work 3 data have 2 off separate days. Then he works of an evening delivering take away to pay his depts off. So I'm home on my own kids upstairs n him out. I just can't help but feel lonely fed up when he is home we hardly talk n he's in his 'man cave' so I'm still alone, sometime we watch a film together but we hardly talk n when we do I feel I'm the one talking he's just nodding.
Is anyone else's relationship just changed since covid n the lockdowns or is it just me. Iv tried to start doin different things like courses, TV, music etc to keep me busy just can't shake this lonleyness boredom if you like. Imlv spoken to my partner but he needs to do the delivery to pay his depts which I understand. I just don't feel close to him anymore and sometimes feel he's like a Lodger.
Thanks for reading/listening think I just need someone to talk to, its so hard not seeing friends n u don't want to keep texting them they have their own families x

That's exactly how my last marriage ended,him I'm his man cave me and the kids in other room on our own,we didn't really speak anymore,I left and never looked back x

This is my second relationship I'm devorced so is he. I feel it may end this way too. Was hoping its just all what's going on 🤷🏼‍♀️ thanks for replying x

I really feel for you :( My partner of 4 years and I are going through a horrible patch at the moment. We 'broke up' to ease the pressure of decision making and so we aren't kissing etc but she's still here and we sleep in the same
Bed. Lockdown is making it hard to enjoy ourselves together so I feel like that's contributing to our break up. I love her so much and I wish her feelings would come back but I feel like I might need to ask her to move out and stay with parents. Feeling pretty lost. Don't want to take over your thread, just letting you know you aren't on your own in feeling like shit and hating the guts of COVID

There is a lot of boredom these days which makes it hard to be objective about relationships. Have you tried making any plans for something to do in the future? Does he show any enthusiasm?

Thank you Helen it helps to feel its not just me. I constantly feel I'm waiting for him to come home and say I'm leaving today. That feeling in ur gut we spoke before Christmas and nothing has changed. I also feel lost surrounded by people but very lonely.

Plan making I can barely get him excited about me making us a meal for the 2 of us when my kids go to their dad's so anything future feel is a waste of time, get my hopes up for it not to happen, he never has anymore anyway unless it's for darts, football or drinks with the lads 🤷🏼‍♀️ I'm not much of a drinker so not like I can sit n drink with him x

I can relate to much of what you have said ree. Sadly, I think I am in denial that my relationship is just not working anymore (there is stuff that has exasperated this). The lonely feeling you describe, I feel very intensely (I have one older dc and two younger ones) with the children as a common focus but yes, evenings spent alone etc. I can't face the fact that things have got this bad having no extended family and few friends to turn to. The added guilt is when people explain that the best thing to do is to leave "because you don't want to model this type of relationship to your dc etc." But I feel stuck and anxious. I have been a sahm for years and not really developed my own life away from the family/home. I also have a history of anxiety so not a prime candidate to jump up and change everything around (I also don't like change). Covid is adding to the isolation - I am waiting to attend counselling and would like to develop a few outside interests. It is a lonely, lonely place to be. I fear I might be they type of person prone to an exit affair (not that I ever met/meet anyone in real life for this to happen). I know I need to work on myself and I keep reminding myself of that but I feel completely starved of affection (apart from what I have from the dc). I think I am hoping that things will somehow magically improve. I just wanted to let you know that I understand what you are saying and that you are not alone.

@User478564568

I can relate to much of what you have said ree. Sadly, I think I am in denial that my relationship is just not working anymore (there is stuff that has exasperated this). The lonely feeling you describe, I feel very intensely (I have one older dc and two younger ones) with the children as a common focus but yes, evenings spent alone etc. I can't face the fact that things have got this bad having no extended family and few friends to turn to. The added guilt is when people explain that the best thing to do is to leave "because you don't want to model this type of relationship to your dc etc." But I feel stuck and anxious. I have been a sahm for years and not really developed my own life away from the family/home. I also have a history of anxiety so not a prime candidate to jump up and change everything around (I also don't like change). Covid is adding to the isolation - I am waiting to attend counselling and would like to develop a few outside interests. It is a lonely, lonely place to be. I fear I might be they type of person prone to an exit affair (not that I ever met/meet anyone in real life for this to happen). I know I need to work on myself and I keep reminding myself of that but I feel completely starved of affection (apart from what I have from the dc). I think I am hoping that things will somehow magically improve. I just wanted to let you know that I understand what you are saying and that you are not alone.

It feels so sad doesn't it. Would a zoom call help at all? I know we're strangers but might be a bit cathartic?

Helen I don't use zoom but thank you. I feel uncomfortable talking whilst I've got dc around - that is one of the reasons I'm not doing zoom counselling.
It's weird I'm dreading counselling in a way because saying it out loud will make it feel even more real. Yes, it is incredibly sad another load of grief I don't feel able to bear (I'm a middle aged orphan). I also feel angry because my husband did something to exacerbate what might have been a recoverable situation, so it's not just a case of not getting on if you see what I mean. I looked at photos the other day from 15 years ago and I looked so bright eyed and relaxed (well as relaxed as I can be considering it's me). Perimenopause is also not helping but sadly I don't think it is the 'root' problem - my husband thinks it is and that by having counselling I'm suddenly going to see sense.

My hope is that as covid eases, I will get out and join more things and perhaps have more social circles/company in the day. I feel like I'm grasping at straws but at the moment unable to comprehend doing anything more major. I can see how this can affect someone physically as well as mentally and I'm trying not to let myself get too low.

Thank you for the replies it help s so much knowing I'm not alone. Lord knows the answer but for now we.must carry on x