Sorry for long and rambling thread.(its not a MIL bashing post!)
We have recently heard that MIL has a terminal illness and has been given "months" to live.
When I first heard, I was really upset and sad, and sad for DH. Since then I have felt so many other emotions, most of which I think are unreasonable.(so not sure what I am asking or wanting from my post!)
I get on well with PIL, and (in normal times) visit them regularly with DC, with or without DH depending on work.
Ever since I have known them (mid 60s- they are now mid 80s) they have been quite morbid and insisted they haven't got long left despite being fairly fit and able for their age. Until lockdown FIL played golf a couple of times a week, and swam a mile at a time once a week. MIL was going on fairly lengthy walks until xmas. They don't have any help in the house and (large) garden.
My own DM died years ago when my DC were very young - DS was 1. She had cancer in her late 50s and died 5 years later. After she died, DH visited Ddad with me and DC, far less often. DDad became very unwell with cancer 2 years ago and deteriorated very quickly. He was virtually blind, unable to move or communicate. In the weeks before his death I visited him regularly either with DC or on my own. I asked DH to come when I knew there was only a few days left.
Last year my GP prescibed me anti depressants as I was feeling very anxious and overwhelmed with work/mental load, and I think delayed grief for DDad. DH was quite dismissive saying I was a bit down, and said, about Ddad "well he was 81". Even though I knew what was about to happen, with both parents it felt like a massive shock when they died.
We recently visited MIL at PIL home. Although she was obviously very unwell and tired, she looked fairly ok, was up and dressed and having a chat and it felt sort of normal. When we left she hugged us all and started saying (what felt like) her final goodbyes. I felt (unreasonably) angry that I didn't want her to give up, and I wasn't ready to give up on her or say goodbye yet - in a way in denial because things felt so normal.
But also I felt a bit jealous that we even had that opportunity to see her, chat and potentially say goodbye because I didn't have that with my parents. I feel so ashamed that I feel like this when I should be supporting my DH.