Falling for online penpal.. wwyd?

[gabriellerose]

Just that really. I've been emailing a guy from an online penpal group for about a year now. He's from the UK but lives abroad. Never met in person but we email and text every day. We're both single. Would love to meet him once lockdown is lifted. He comes back to the UK every couple of year as he has a brother living here. Finding myself falling for him. We chat so openly about such deep and personal subjects, I find him so easy to open up to. He said the same about me. Neither or us has many close friends in the off-line world. I'm too busy with work to socialise much, he's in a similar position.
He occasionally jokes about romance and how I have a lot going for me. I really like him but I'm quite a shy, reserved person by nature so I find it hard to say similar things back to him, even though I feel them.
The country he lives in is where one of his parents is originally from, he's kind of stuck there for the foreseeable future (long story, won't go into it on here as it could be outing). Think I'm falling for him, really want to meet him but don't know when, where or how. Think about him all the time. WWYD?

Stop. It's artificial.

You're "falling" for a fantasy, not a person. You don't know him.

You're going to get yourself hurt if you carry on.

I'm sorry, but you don't know this person at all. I suspect he'll be asking you for money soon...

I think you need to be very careful. Once lock down is over meet him by all means and take it from there. Just make sure you're safe etc. There's a lot of nut jobs in this world and it's very easy to fake your personality over the phone and email.

I agree with the others I’m afraid. Have you video chatted with him? Do you know he is who he says he is?
The problem with falling for someone you haven’t met is that if you eventually do meet him, he may not meet your expectations. There might be no spark in real life, or he may have annoying habits or poor hygiene etc etc. It’s potentially a lot of emotional investment that may all be for nothing. And when it’s not even certain that you will be able to meet him in the foreseeable future, I think this one may just be a waste of time. Sorry.

I'm really sorry, but this has disaster written all over it. He's already conveniently living abroad so you can't meet him. Has he had a sudden crisis yet, like his sister needing an operation? If he's that keen would he travel to you, paying his own way? Seriously, unless you do some proper checks give this a swerve and for God's sake don't part with money.

Thanks for your replies. Just to clarify, no he's never asked me for any money, has never talked about money or sudden emergencies needing it. I've researched him online, he told me he works at a particularl place so I looked up on their website. He's there's, and there's also a pic of him, along with work email address and phone number etc. He's a university lecturer.

Have you ever sent him money or gifts - even ones he’s not asked for?

Have you video chatted with a good connection?

Have you emailed or called the lecturer at the university and checked that they’re the same person?

I’m not really sure where you see this going if he’s ‘stuck’ where he is for the foreseeable
And you are presumably not able to live or visit there?

Have you video called with him? ie - are you certain that the person you are messaging is actually the lecturer and not just someone saying that he is?
Unfortunately I think even if he is genuine, pursuing a relationship will be near impossible. Long distance is hard even within the same country and pre-Covid, I would imagine it’s pretty much impossible now. Could you bear to waste possibly months/years on something that could be an instant let-down in real life?

I disagree with pp. I think it could be great - if you do the proper checks and are cautious when and if you do meet him then no need to write this off. Falling for a personality through this sort of communication can be lovely- but just beware IRL he may behave quite differently, as will you most likely.

How do you know he is single?
When I was in my early 20s I had a Swiss penpal. Turned out he had a live-in girlfriend....

People can make up any old persona online.

I would just be very careful as others have already said. But, these things can work out, I've been married to my penpal for over 20 years!

Use your head, op. You don't know him at all, regardless of what he's told you.

I don't think it's unusual. Yes of course there are scammers, but I think now it's becoming more common to form friendships purely online.

I am friends with someone I 'met' in a Facebook group about a common interest. I consider her a fairly close friend. We've known each other for about 2 years, message every day about work/relationship/family stuff, and sometimes FaceTime with a drink. She lives in another continent and we have never met.

I'm quite certain that I know what she's like as a person!

Impossible to know how genuine this guy is but I'm struck by your comment 'I'm too busy with work to socialise much' - the time spent contacting this other person- if you worked out the effort and time involved, could that not equate to time socialising outside work, I'm just curious? (Pandemic issues obviously means online communications are handiest) but I'm just curious about finding time for a virtual relationship and not a real one.

There is something really nice however about building up a relationship slowly, but if he can only visit U.K. occasionally and is stuck in home country for foreseeable future, please don't close yourself off to other opportunities, just incase this doesn't lead to the romantic outcome you hope.
Best of luck, people can meet in unusual ways and you sound like you have your wits about you. Only time will tell.