Funny feeling

[Rosiedo]

I have a funny feeling my husband is having an affair with a colleague.

A couple of months ago he said he wasn't happy, he felt he hadn't done well in his life, felt we had drifted apart and never got any time to spend together. It's true we don't get to spend time together away from the kids but we always spend time together at home. Have a laugh and talk, so I was surprised by this.

There isn't anything we can do to spend time together other than what we are doing now due to covid. He is still working, I work from home and the kids are at home too.

My husband has cheated on me in the past and when he was saying these things I just got that feeling in my tummy that I had before. Of course I asked him if there was anyone else but he said there wasn't (of course he is going to say this).

He does mention a colleague an awful lot, he is working closely with her (they are key workers, he cant work from home, she can but chooses not to)! He knows an awful lot about her personal life, he sits with her at lunch time, she tells him things about work that she shouldn't (she is more senior to him).

I just cant shake this feeling. He doesn't hide his phone but again he never did this before. I'm ashamed to say I have checked his phone, there is nothing on his messages, no phone calls logged to her although I know he could delete these but his WhatsApp is protected by his finger print. He says he has to have finger print security on some things because of work, even though this is a personal phone but he does have work chats on his phone about some jobs with other colleagues and there are some apps he has tried to download but can't becsuse he has to get them approved by work or something like that. So unless I specifically ask for him to log into his WhatsApp right in front of me I can't check it.
He doesn't message me on WhatsApp, I don't know if he messages anyone else on WhatsApp other than work colleagues but he is working today and I've seen him "online" on WhatsApp an awful lot today and my mind is going into overdrive becsuse she doesn't work on at the weekend.

I don't know what to do?

So he has an extra layer of security to get to WhatsApp OP? You can get in his phone but not that? I would trust your gut, though telling you he isn't happy might be a positive thing as he'd likely be happy if he was having an affair...do you think?

Thank you for replying. I’m not sure what to think.

I’m making myself I’ll thinking about this. He isn’t going to tell me if he is having an affair. I need to do some digging and I think I need to start with his phone but what I can get into I can see any evidence, so I need to check his WhatsApp.

If he has previous form for cheating I suspect its happening again. Have a dig around and get your ducks in a row.

To me it sounds like he's cheating on an emotional level and he's told you he isn't happy as he wants the relationship with ow to progress x

Thank you. I have spoken to him this morning and I have said to him if he feels anything towards me at all, and values us, he needs to tell me if there has been anyone else whether it’s been physical or emotional. He says there hasn’t been but his whole demeanour changed after that was then saying I won’t believe him anyway. I’ve told him if anything comes out in the future that there has been cheating in any shape or form I will know I meant nothing to him at any time and our whole life together means nothing to him and it was all just a lie.

I don’t want to keep bringing this up, but something is telling me he is still lying, but then again maybe it is just me being paranoid!

Of course he will deny it, they mostly do, its part of the script. Your gut feeling is telling you differently. Listen to your gut feeling.