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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Emotionally abusive ex boyfriend

5 replies

erin89 · 30/01/2021 10:18

I was with an ex boyfriend a few years ago who was just awful. He started out as the perfect man but very quickly things changed. He was emotionally abusive in the worst ways and used the darkest day in my life to manipulate me. Needless to say I was traumatised by it, in 2019 I had emdr therapy to stop panic attacks associated with what he did to me and was diagnosed with ptsd. I am now awaiting further therapy. Keeping a relationship going has been difficult for me and I have had so many struggles but I now have a beautiful five month old girl who is my world.
My reason for this post I suppose is this, a few months after we broke up I blocked him on everything to stop him contacting me. I even blocked his friends too so he couldn’t get information from them. But I recently found out he has a girlfriend, they have been together for a while now and it’s left me feeling angry all over again. I’m angry that he was so cruel and vile to me, but can be so lovely to someone else. It’s left me with so many emotions. In no way do I ever ever want him back, but I’m sad he chose to treat me so horribly.
Was it just me? Was I an easy target? Or is there more to people who are abusive?

OP posts:
nimbuscloud · 30/01/2021 10:25

You say he was perfect at the beginning of your relationship. Maybe he is still at the beginning of this new relationship? Or maybe he has changed? Who knows.
Don’t torture yourself- focus on your baby and partner.

Pechanga · 30/01/2021 15:02

I’m angry that he was so cruel and vile to me, but can be so lovely to someone else.

Why do you think he's lovely to her? You have no idea if his mask has slipped yet and how he treats her behind closed doors.

wewereliars · 30/01/2021 15:05

He will be doing the same to her as he did to you, people like him don't change.

AnitaB888 · 30/01/2021 20:37

" I’m angry that he was so cruel and vile to me, but can be so lovely to someone else."

This is your projection OP - abusive people reveal their true colours sooner or later.

This may help -

natashaadamo.com/is-my-ex-happy-in-his-new-relationship/

erin89 · 30/01/2021 21:32

@AnitaB888 that was super helpful and made me smile! Thank you :)

OP posts:
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