Lying husband

[soditall56]

Really worried about my OHs lying. He tells white lies allll the time or he tells me things haven't happened when they have. There's been a recent fall out with his family and I'm beginning to wonder if it's because of his lying.

I have spoken to him about it before but he will swear blind he's not lying then once caught out he's always sorry but I can't help wonder if he's so comfortable telling little white lies what other kinds of lies might he be spouting.

We are supposed to be moving in together soon but it's really putting me off and don't know how to fix it

You would be beyond foolish to move in with a liar.

Living with a liar has the capacity to mess with your mental health.
You will always be doubting yourself because you will never be able to trust a thing he tells you about anything.

He is mentally unstable and cannot be treated.

If you move in with him, you will regret it hugely.

@soditall56

An example was he was going through a rough patch and said he hadn't heard from one of his best friends while he going through this but turns out he actually had been but was making out he hadn't and of course it upset me to think his friend didn't care so I mentioned it to his friend but of course he'd been in touch the whole time.

If he's telling a story where money is mentioned for an example, the amount of money increases each time the story is told or if he's been ill and not slept well, the number of hours sleep deceases every time the story is told.

I guess they aren't massive lies but I now don't have anythink to do with the family due to the fall out but now think I've maybe fallen out with the wrong people and I look like a bit of an idiot

They all sound like exaggerations to me. Not lies as such. He isn't actually deceiving you.

They wouldn't bother me, but if that sort of thing upsets you and you feel an idiot because of it then yes, leave him immediately.

Is he actually your husband or just your boyfriend? It sounds odd to be married but not yet live together.

Anyway, if you’re not married and don’t live together, keep it that way.

Saying someone hasn't contacted you when they have is a lie not an exaggeration.

As others have said, these lies are about portraying himself as a hard done by victim who needs sympathy. Apart from anything, who wants to tie their life to such an emotionally draining inadequate?

Bin him.

I have a child with ADHD who lies but they are invariably around attention seeking. Never anything else.

What this man is doing is manipulation.

You don’t live with your husband?

I'm sorry to say that these types of lies were the first red flags I ignored with a covert narcissist. He played the vulnerable victim very well and the empath in me fell for it. When the scales came off my eyes it was obvious this was his go to behaviour with all the women he was seeing behind my back. Run for the bloody hills

I ended a relationship with somebody like this. Constant little lies. It was awful. Terrible relationship. He ended up saying he had cancer (he didn’t) when I tried to end it. Don’t waste your life on a liar

This kind of lying is a red flag for future far more damaging behaviour. Please do not accept this as normal - it isn't. As another poster said, in five or ten years he will be lying about his gambling addiction or the fraud he's committed at work or the prostitutes.
And you and your children will pay the price.
Please put some boundaries in place for what kind of behaviour you are willing to accept in a partner. Honesty should be a basic requirement.

My friend is married to someone like this and it drives her nuts and can be quite embarrassing sometimes. He exaggerates everything, to the extent he told someone his house was worth 1.5mil. It's not.

I think he does it, as he wants people to like him so will either make stuff up or exaggerate. Trouble is a lot of people think he's a knob when they first meet him because of this, when actually, once you get to know him he's a lovely bloke.

But it does mean that whatever he tells you, you question him on it and don't always believe.

I'd struggle to live with someone like this

I'd be wary of liars. I saw my exh lie over the 20 years we were together. Odd lies - about owning a dog once (no dog), or bigging up himself introducing himself by reinventing his job title, to having had a rough upbringing (um, no...). I noticed it but put it in the back of my mind. it's just as if he rewrote experiences to suit an internal narrative of his.

Roll on 20 years and a marriage - lied about affair, lied about finances, lied to the courts...

Don't do it.

My BIL is a compulsive liar. He wrecks every relationship by lying. All his family know he's lying constantly but can't really say anything to his girlfriends. They all tend to last around 2 years then they realise he's like that and it ends.

Steer clear!

Where did OP say she was married? She referred to her OH, not DH.

Panozzo look at the thread title