A whole host of emotions

[mightbealittlebitmad]

I'm going through a trial separation at the moment to figure out what I want. I initiated it because for months I've been feeling really distant from my husband and having him around is suffocating me.

I don't know if it's lockdown related but it's definitely been the thing that's kicked it off. I'm on furlough, don't have the gym, can't see my friends and I'm having to do all the homeschooling so I'm feeling very lost at the moment.

I'm feeling a whole range of emotions, I don't know if I want to continue the separation, have him back, call it quits, excited about life on my own, worried about life on my own etc.

It's coming up to a week now so it's still very early. I've said we need to keep things civil for the kids but otherwise we need to stop talking for a bit because otherwise it feels like there is no change. I said to him I want to miss him for him and not someone to help with the kids, do some DIY.

I've no idea how to handle all these emotions, how do I know what the right thing to do is when I'm flipping between separation being good one minute and bad the next.

I've been with him almost my whole adult life, we have kids together, a house and so much history so it all feels very strange him not being around and having him ask when it's ok to come see the kids.

He's angry with me for doing this and has said he hates me, I'm making him miserable but I was making him miserable by being so distant so I'm trying to sort things out so we can both move on either together or apart.

Hey sorry to hear you're going though this.
What I've learnt about having relationships is (that I should be single!) is that for me it's the person you're with that's the factor.. Not the other parts.
Your emotions are attached to your partner and anything else can be changed and moved on. If you feel you've made a mistake I think your gut instinct tells you as much.
Imagine if someone said to you 'you can be moved from that situation to the same but single'.. All the hard work done.. How would you feel?
How is your partner normally in terms of life? Is it something you think reoccurring problems will arise?

@Ntwa

Hey sorry to hear you're going though this. What I've learnt about having relationships is (that I should be single!) is that for me it's the person you're with that's the factor.. Not the other parts. Your emotions are attached to your partner and anything else can be changed and moved on. If you feel you've made a mistake I think your gut instinct tells you as much. Imagine if someone said to you 'you can be moved from that situation to the same but single'.. All the hard work done.. How would you feel? How is your partner normally in terms of life? Is it something you think reoccurring problems will arise?

I don't know. During lockdown 1 I felt very trapped and resentful that he still led a very normal life. Then when things were lifted I was avoiding being around him and being at home. I told him everything I was feeling and we agreed we had grown apart so we didn't to try grow back together but I felt very disinterested. I was feeling like he was more of a friend than a husband and avoided anything physical.

I went away for a couple of days after Christmas to try figure things out, I didn't really miss him and came back to pretty much another lockdown and everything just spiralled again.

I'm concerned that we agree for him to come back because I'm struggling with lockdown and need someone around and not because it's him I want around. Then when things are lifted I'll go back to being distant and things will get worse.

He is desperate to make things work but he's getting really sulky over the physical side of things because he needs intimacy that I'm not giving him. He says we can start at the beginning again, date for a bit and go from there which I'm on board with at the minute.

I'm seeing a counseller and we are going together next week. I keep saying I wish there was some magic wand that would wave everything away and it would all be normal. I hate feeling so unsure about it all.

It's a mix of familiarity and routine vs being on your own and that's scary.
He's trying, that's a good sign.
You'll know with councilling of you can work onwards I think.