TheGrandfatherClockWasTooTall ·
30/01/2021 06:33
Forgive me for this. Lockdown has given me lots of time to think - there's not much else going on after all!
I have a male friend who I've known for a few years.
He has had one 10 year relationship, a few dates and the odd fling here and there but nothing more. He lives alone. He is completely self sufficent.
He's not a sexist in the sense that he thinks women shouldn't work or be independent; nor in the sense that that women should be the domestic labourers in the home. He has no sense of entitlement towards sex and has no issue with women saying no to sex. He is kind, thoughtful and compassionate. He doesn't believe women are delicate little flowers and doesn't have any expectations of women behaviourally that he doesn't have of men. He doesn't speak badly of women who enjoy sex and the traits he dislikes in women are traits he also dislikes in men. He doesn't hold women to different standards.
However, he often makes remarks about younger women. Much younger women. We had a conversation recently where he was telling me that he thought it was normal for men in their 70s to ogle beautiful, slim, sexy 20 year olds. He said I wouldn't find a man who didn't. He regards it as natural law. I don't mean admire or look at but actively desire a sexual relationship with. He said he will be one of the old men in a care home ogling the young carers 🤮
He agreed that there was a difference between noticing a beautiful woman and leching over her.
But he said it was normal for men to be sexually attracted to much younger women - even those young enough to he their granddaughters and that men just don't think about it in the way that women do.
Tbf, he assumes that older women look at 20 something men in the same way.
A couple of years ago, he was clearly interested in me and asked me out but I turned him down largely because of this. I have no interest in dating someone who is constantly looking around for much younger women to be sexually attracted to. He showed an interest in me again more recently so whatever it is, it clearly hasn't gone away for him.
He thinks nothing of commenting on beautiful women but will equally comment on attractive men.
My question is this.
I was in my early 40s at the time. He is a few years older than me.
I don't believe for a second that he is looking for a life partner who will cook and clean for him, nor one who will provide sexual services for him. He admits he uses porn but thinks that other aspects of the sex industry - eg using cam girls etc are sleazy. He prefers the porn of the 70s rather than the very violent misogynistic stuff of today. He thinks stripping is the ultimate female empowerment because those women have men completely in their power and that it is the women who are exploiting the men not the other way around.
He asked me out because he thought I was a "really nice person". I assume that he must have desired me on some level... 🤷🏻♀️
I'm neither slim, nor beautiful, nor young. I've never really understood what he saw in me or why he asked me out when these are clearly the women he is interested in and I'm not one of them.
It's a moot point really, I've just been thinking about it.