Child Arrangement - ex

[Eyesclosed20]

Hi All,

Long time poster - name change. Just after some advice. Been with my partner now for 7 months. Split with my ex of 10 years about 9 months ago but it was over a 3 year period that I knew we were splitting as did he as things were very toxic.

My new partner has known us for years and has known my children for a long time. He has recently been helping me out with lifts due to car troubles and this has included my children.

My ex has kicked off about this saying he wont ever accept this guy in his childrens life as he needs time to process and that by involving him with the children already i’m wrong.

Just to be clear the children don’t know he is my partner - I have introduced his as mum’s friend but as I say theyve known him for years anyway.

For full transparency the children's ages are 3, 5, 8, 9.

My question should I be giving ex what he wants as some of my friends are saying as they’re his children or should I continue to do as I wish? If it’s relevant he pays hardly any child maintenance and sees the children for 5/6 hours on a weekend and two nights in the week for 2 hours.

Appreciate any advice.

Put in a claim for cms!

Cms for child maintenance

@harknesswitch

Cms for child maintenance

yes do this asap

You are more than welcome,glad I could help a bit.
I totally get it and it makes me quite shocked that many people have no clue what are you talking about yet are happy to comment and add to your misery.
Sending massive unmumsnety hug.

@LadShropshire

Actually we’re both single households so he can be my support bubble and I can be his so there is no issue related to covid-19.

It’s about the spirit of keeping the virus under control - I assume he is having contact with his kids? He could infect you and your kids who in turn pass it on to their Dad....

FML, people are getting really shitty on here.

She's a single parent to 4 kids and you're having a go cos someone is fucking helping her out within the rules

As long as she's having quality time with her kids without the partner (which it sounds like she is) it shouldn't matter that he's been helping out. And I say that as someone who was pissed off with my Ex-husband for introducing his new girlfriend less than a month after we split up (mostly because he then had no time on his own with the kids).

OP - tell your ex to bloody do one and start a claim with the cms. It's not up to him whether he's happy with your spending, he has to pay at the cms rate.

Good lord, there's a lot of judginess on this thread!
Congratulations, OP, on finding a little bit of happiness for yourself. It's bloody rare at the moment, so grab it with both hands.
I started a new relationship about 6 months after my daughter's father left. She was 2. He was a friend, so she knew him already. Everyone - including my own family, and especially my daughter's father - said I was irresponsible and would damage my daughter in some way. I'm so glad I ignored them, we've been together nearly 15 years now, and DD and DH have an amazing relationship.

You might have checked out ages ago but that was probably news to your ex and your very young children. Was this long term very close friend/new boyfriend of yours the reason you left your ex? Is that what he thinks?

What would you have done about your car troubles if this man wasn’t on the scene?

It seems unnecessarily fast and you need to get child support set up but you haven’t so it’s irrelevant to involving someone in your children’s lives like this when you only left their dad so recently.

You can do what you like. What you do and who you spend time with when the kids are with you is entirely your business. Likewise when they’re with their father. But you must be able to see why he’s unhappy. Claiming he’s unreasonable because you quietly decided it was over at the same as the two of you had a newborn is incredibly naive.