Emergency couples counselling?

[Elchoclo]

Is there any such thing as emergency counselling for couples who are on a relate waiting list but one of them has started self harming and mentioning suicide?

I’m not sure, but my experience with counselling (admittedly more family than relationship) would suggest that they won’t talk to someone in that position... the person would need to get urgent help for their immediate situation first, and then come back for the therapy.

Does the person have an existing crisis team? If not, have they contacted anyone? Their GP? Help for mental health is hard but it is there for people in immediate crisis.

Unlikely from a risk perspective. That's also not really a relational issue.

The individual would need to seek independent care.

Is this of the "if you leave me I'll kill myself" variety?

I have been in that position and took an OD, not for attention but as I was so sad

If anybody is at the point of being that desperate it is still a matter of urgent or emergency medical care for them as an individual.

No, it’s not a “if you leave me I’ll kill myself’ thing. It’s more a ‘you’ve made me so miserable, look what I’ve done’.

He’s now saying he’s not suicidal. But he has self harmed.

Same abusive principle.

Your DP/OH is either being extremely manipulative, or needs individual therapy before they can start sorting out their relationships with others (or both, which would be my hunch). I wouldn't say couples counselling was an obvious starting place.

I'll guess theres a story that's landed you both on the waiting list.
A couples counsellor wouldnt engage with you, when he is self harming to exert control on you.
He needs to seek his own help.

I don’t think the self harm is to exert control, not consciously anyway. Maybe it’s more a cry for help :(

Then he needs individual counselling first.
This is not something a relationship counsellor has experience is. It's a very different area of mental health. If he is self harming through depression/anxiety/anger that needs to be dealt with first. If he is genuinely in a MH crisis he will not be in a place where he can work on your relationship.

I don't know if self harm qualifies for mental health crisis services, it should but I don't know enough to say. If you have a good gp I'd start there, whether he'll attend or not. They should know who to contact if he's self harming and where he can access MH services. If you ever feel he is intending to commit suicide call the police.

The "you've me made me sad, look what its made me do" is trying to guilt you, it is trying to exert control.
Speak to womens aid OP.
I have just ended an abusive relationship and they have been an enormous support
Made me see things I didnt realise were defined as coercive control.
Sometimes you cant see the wood for the trees.

Couples counselling is not recommended /doesn’t work/is dangerous for couples in abusive relationships. What you describe is (from him) is emotional abuse.

This is just my experience so might not mean much. I self harmed for many years. In places and ways where it would not be found and at no point did I tell anyone or claim that it was someone else's responsibility or fault.

Ask him to see his GP and refer himself to your local IAPT for treatment. If he is crying out for help, then he should make steps to get that help. Set a boundary and say you can support him to get professional help but you cannot be held responsible for his actions.

He needs solo therapy.