His reactions/mood affects me so much?

[TGIF542]

I don’t even really know how to explain this. I’m really struggling with lack of any social life outside of my own home due to lockdown. Live with DP who works out of the house every day whilst I am WFH.

I am feeling so so lonely despite being in a relationship. I am speaking to friends a lot of etc but a lot of the time I feel I may as well live here alone.

Tonight I was so looking forward to a nice evening with DP, he wasn’t working late for once, I had finished a stressful week. Wine in the fridge, I had bought us a really nice dessert (something he would love) and I was in such a good mood before he came home.

He walks through the door and instantly I just feel my mood plummet. He barely says two words to me, tells me how tired he is. I ask if he’s had a bad day, no, just tired! I tell him to look in the fridge (as I hope the dessert would cheer him up) but he just says oh I’m tired, I just want to get to bed early. I say, that’s a bit of a weird reaction DP, it’s only 7 and I’m just showing you a dessert I’ve got. He just says he’s not really interested. I’m now sat here with a glass of wine (again I had chilled a nice Friday night bottle for us) watching tv on my own while he’s literally asleep on the sofa.

It’s pathetic but I just feel so disappointed. I feel like I’m so often brought down in my mood by DP and how he responds to me.

He’s not unwell. I also have limited sympathy with his tiredness because he chooses to stay up on his computer or watching videos until sometimes 2/3am and then he’s up at 6 for work. When I’ve tried to challenge him on this he tells me he’s not a child. So to be honest I’m sick of hearing how tired he is.

Just a rant I suppose really. I was in a good Friday night mood and now I wish I was on my own really as I’d have no expectations.

If this was a one off I’d understand but I don’t feel like it is. I never thought I’d feel lonely living with someone.

Is it bad that I literally cannot wait for the slightest lift in restrictions so I can just live my own life and not be stuck here with tired misery guts?

I had sympathy for him working hard and being tired at the end of the week until you mentioned the late night gaming.

He’s making a choice about who he spends his leisure time with and sadly he hasn’t prioritised you.

Have you spoken to him about this?

As above, I also had sympathy for your OH until you said he's up until early hours gaming (my ex gamed, even that word makes me sick in my mouth a little) and that this is a regular occurrence. He's choosing to game instead of spending time with you. I did this for 10 years. In the end, I had actually got so used to spending time on my own in our house that when he'd sit down to spend time with me it actually annoyed me. By all means talk to him but you'll likely be met with a childish, defensive response.

Also, it's not pathetic!

" I feel like I’m so often brought down in my mood by DP and how he responds to me".

That is because you are.

This relationship is well and truly over now or it should be.

I would be contacting Womens Aid with a view to extricating yourself from this relationship asap. Abuse is not solely physical in nature.
This is not a good relationship at all and it also reads like you are walking on eggshells; code really for living in fear. You do not have to wait for a lift in restrictions to leave, the fact that you are unhappy is good enough a reason to go anyway.