We have been NC with my mother’s DP for 2 years due to his behaviour with my DC that I wasn’t happy with. He is childless.
For back story, they have been ‘together’ over 20 years (since I was a teenager). But it started out as an affair and the first few years he hadn’t left his wife yet. So of the 20+ year relationship, the first 9 years my mum was his weekend ‘bit on the side’. My mum even got herself a weekday boyfriend as well, which was a bit weird for me as a teenager.
So her DP seemed ok but when I got pregnant with my DS in my twenties he was very against me having the baby, phoned me and told me I’d end up a struggling single mother etc. It felt like a boundary overstep for someone who was merely a weekend boyfriend and it did offend me.
Since then, these are some of the things his done with my two DC that me and DH did not like.
On a holiday (the only one we ever went on all together), he turned into a total ogre.
Barged into my 7yo DS on purpose with suitcase
Ignored DS when he spoke to him
Hissed at DS loudly in a restaurant when he didn’t eat much dinner
Screamed at a member of staff in a shop over a misunderstanding
Marched around the city seething, so fast that the DC could not keep up and had to be carried by us. No one could stop to look or enjoy anything
Went ahead to the accommodation with 4yo DD and got her changed out of swimming things without us (dry swimming costume so not a pressing need to do so)
At DDs 4th birthday party he made a big show of sleazing and perving all over the children’s entertainer, going up close to her and looking her up and down.. completely embarrassed us (all kids parents had stayed for the party and watched him with their mouths open until my DH asked him to get a grip on himself).
This man is a martial arts enthusiast and kept pestering us to let him teach my DS. We were against it because of the hostility he seemed to show DS and I worried that he would use it as a way to scare/intimidate DS so we always politely declined. Then he would write long FB rants about why children should learn martial arts and it was ridiculous of parents not to encourage them to do it.
When we would go their house, DD would often sit on a bean bag on the floor and he would suddenly come over and while in a press up position pretend he was going to lay on her, or squash her, and she clearly looked uncomfortable having a grown man over her like that. I would always tell him not to do it and he just said it was a laugh.
Final straw was at Xmas a couple of years ago when we were playing children’s trivial pursuit and DS (just turned 11 by then) was winning (its mainly kids questions about pop songs and kids TV etc), this man was progressively getting more moody and sulking every time DS got a question correct. Basically sat there with a face like a smacked arse for the whole game. DS won the game and modestly celebrated, nothing OTT, just smiled and said Yay. This man grabbed him around the shoulders and said “if you behave like a show off then one day some one is going to beat you up”.
So we don’t see him any more but this devastates my mother and she thinks we are being completely over the top and he is a lovely guy. She has started to do little tit for tat things like not include my DH in her Xmas card ‘to see how I like it’.
What are people’s thoughts? I have a really strong gut feeling that he shouldn’t be around my DC. I’ve never met anyone from his family or any friends of his so I have never been able to see how he interacts.