Opinions?

[Mummyy2020]

If someone suffers with mental health problems and have different things that they struggle with in particular, but are very open and honest about that at the start of their relationship..if they ever behave in a way that is wrong - but they accept that afterwards and own it and apologise etc etc.. they never excuse their behaviour, however they try and explain it to try and make their partner understand a bit more and they try and make them learn about it. They are really trying to make their partner see that they don't mean any harm or hurt etc.. if their partner doesn't understand and struggles to handle this and finds it too hard or difficult or challenging etc ... Then rather than them going about that the correct way .. if they choose to instead act abusively towards their partner and treat them badly or react badly to them and then turn around and act like the victim and that they've 'had it hard' etc.. is this acceptable or excusable ? Can they treat their partner badly but then blame their actions on finding their partner hard to be with in the first place?

Just to clarify .. the male partner is treating their female partner with the mental health problems ..badly and abusively just because he finds her hard or difficult to be with? Is this a good enough excuse/ acceptable?

There is no excuse for abuse.

There is never any excuse for someone to abuse their mentally ill partner, no.

It seems to me that these two people would be better off if they were single and not in a relationship together.

This is very vague so hard to understand but nobody should be being abusive to their partner no matter what.

What is the behaviour/action that the person with mental health actions is doing that is upsetting the other person?

It rounds more like the 'partner who doesnt understand' is just abusive and using the first persons mental health as an 'excuse' to treat them this way.

Abusers make mental health worse. They also pretend not to understand so that you get caught in a cycle of trying to explain ('if only I could explain it in the right way s/he would understand and then not want to hurt me').

There is no excuse for abuse.
Abusers always turn it round on you. It's called DARVO. Google it

The person needs to get away from the abuser. Whatever mental issues or stresses they are going through will improve tenfold when they are not being gaslighted and bullied.

@Mummyy2020

Just to clarify .. the male partner is treating their female partner with the mental health problems ..badly and abusively just because he finds her hard or difficult to be with? Is this a good enough excuse/ acceptable?

Is this a good enough excuse/acceptable?

No - not in any way shape or form. In fact, I'd go further and suggest that the female partner's mental health would improve dramatically if she were to dump him.

That sounds like classic narcissism.

Thank you everyone. Yes I completely agree with some of the comments here. The partner with the mental illness has Borderline Personality Disorder - which she really struggles with. She is a very loving and caring partner who tries her very hardest in her relationships, but she struggles with some things , i.e. insecurities, heightened sensitivity to things, can be emotionally unstable and have big, emotional reactions to things that to her are big - even if they may be small to other people. Her partner took most things negatively and rather than try to understand and be supportive, it would then turn into various forms of mental and emotional abuse. The woman suffering from BPD DID absolutely feel like this partner brought the worst out in her and contributed towards her suffering even more than she did so already and her usual things she struggled with became even more of a struggle. X

Bpd women are often drawn to npd men, they have to be extra careful and know how to spot them early on.

Agreed

In the first instance, they sound thoroughly incompatible. A bad match.