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Original poster

Leave 8 year relationship??

14 replies

CoffeeCupz · 29/01/2021 13:03

I'm really upset and crying right now :( I love him so much still but I'm fed up of his sleeping habits! He is still alseep now and is always awake during then night on youtubes/ his laptop he had always been a late riser ( past 12pm) but this wasnt such an issue all them years ago. Now I'm nearly 30 and feels like this is it for me? I feel alone and Iike I'm living with a lodger. I have spoke to him about this many times before my sister has just rang me she said would just walk out and leave . It hurts to leave I don't know what to do and would like some advice. I know the grass isn't Greener but why should I put up with just feeling shit in my home he should at least be awake and making me a coffee instead I'm just sat on my own again in the living room feeling horrible :( X I have the week off work and him aswell and it's just shit

OP posts:
FortunesFave · 29/01/2021 13:05

Have you got children together? If not, end it. Does he not work?

Hailtomyteeth · 29/01/2021 13:06

Leave.

Hailtomyteeth · 29/01/2021 13:06

Why waste another day?

Miranda15110 · 29/01/2021 13:07

What is he doing online? Do you trust him. I agree with your ds, life's too short x

Original poster
CoffeeCupz · 29/01/2021 13:13

Not sure he's just more interested in the computer, YouTube, games... And no children or marriage, I trust him 100% and he does work really hurting :(

OP posts:
Palavah · 29/01/2021 13:15

It will hurt to begin with but then you will feel enormously liberated.

30 is nothing.

FortunesFave · 29/01/2021 13:16

Maybe if you give him an ultimatum...tell him it's over...then he'll change. But you have to mean it....

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 29/01/2021 13:18

So effectively you're just housemates who work opposite shifts and occasionally shag?

When you've spoken to him in the past, what has he said? Has he actually made any changes? Does he have a reason for keeping those hours - does he feel he's naturally nocturnal? That's not automatically a bad thing, but clearly it doesn't work for you.

With no kids in the picture, and presumably you wanting a loving relationship with someone who wants to actually spend time with you, then yes I'd walk away. Because it doesn't sound like you're going to get that with him, and while you're with him, you're not in a position to meet anyone who does want that.

Bananalanacake · 29/01/2021 13:19

How does he treat you the rest of the time. My DH sleeps until midday at the weekends but I don't mind as he gets up early for work in the week.

hilariousnamehere · 29/01/2021 13:19

It sounds like you both run on different natural timetables - I am also late to bed and late to rise and suspect it would be problematic in a relationship!

Can you meet halfway? Changing what your body wants can be incredibly hard, so rather than him getting up when you want him to (which I guess feels normal to you and early to him), could you talk to him and find a middle ground, say 10-11am?

And find something just for you to do while he's asleep!

If that doesn't feel right then yes, leaving is an option.

EarthSight · 29/01/2021 13:31

@CoffeeCupz

Not sure he's just more interested in the computer, YouTube, games... And no children or marriage, I trust him 100% and he does work really hurting :(
Do you feel like his computer is a satellite? The centre of his universe which he revolves around? That you are like a little moon or satellite trapped in an orbit around both of them? That's he's not interested in going out much with you? Not interested in doing new things or trying new activities? That you feel like you are invisible, part of the wallpaper, a housemate or a security blanket that is convenient for him to pick up when he wants?

If this is how he is now, I think it's most likely be the way he'll be with children. Children seem to test even strong marriages, even ones where the two people were very much in love and happy. You'll have to prepare yourself for the possibility that you will be left to do most of the parenting, that he will not enjoy the frequent loud interruptions and noise that kids can bring and all the associated work. Taking kids to their friend's houses or extra activies, going to or hosting birthday parties ect.

I can relate to wanting to get up and go to sleep at the same time. It's really nice to wake up and go to sleep with someone.

EarthSight · 29/01/2021 13:32

Sorry, meant to write 'Do you feel like his computer is the sun'?

Babypug · 29/01/2021 13:36

I left my boyfriend of 7 years without children. We became more like friends and he wasn't driven or career oriented, neither did he drive. He was the nicest person but I found we out grew each other and I wasn't in love anymore. I loved him but it's not the same. I decided I wasn't happy and although we lived together and had a property together life is too short. It was a huge decision but mentally I think I checked out before telling him 6 months later. If you're thinking it then something isn't right. Trust your gut, if you want to work it out then it takes 2 people and use a therapist or someone who can mediate. It's your life you need to live it. We only get one shot

Bubbles1st · 29/01/2021 13:36

What does he do for a living that allows this life style?

If you have no enjoyment in your daily life together then you know the answer.

What does he say when you talk to him about it and ask him to make reasonable changes?

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