AIBU to hink he could help me out occasionally

[anditgoeson]

I've been with my DP for 4 years, we don't live together. I have two primary age children that live with me full time (havent seen or heard from their Dad in 5 years) and he has a son he sees eow and one day a week. We are both working from home, I'm also homeschooling and studying in the 2nd year of my degree. I work 4 days a week and have Uni for 2.5 days. At the moment I am juggling both round the clock.

I am really struggling to keep on top of things and have been quite down for a while. When I confide in my DP he is very sympathetic on the phone and tells me how he would love to help but he can't as he is so busy with work he can't afford the distractions.

A couple of weeks ago I asked could he maybe come and spend a day with me a week just to keep me from going mad and be some moral support and company in between working. He said he would and then cancelled because he said he was too busy, fine. However he has been having his son pretty much constantly since then. I haven't asked why (its his son after all) but he tells me last night that he's having his son because he wants to give his ex a break because she got a full on job and is down a needs a break and he wants to help her. She lives with her parents and is working from home.

I came off the phone crying. I know we are all having a hard time and all parents should do their job but this isn't the first time he's spoken to me about her being stressed and needing breaks, he wants me to feel sympathetic for her, which I do to a point but would it hurt him to try and make time for me occasionally too. Or at least just say he is doing his share of the parenting rather than making out he's doing it for her because he's worried about her? It really hurts when I say the same thing and am brushed off with, oh well what can I do. AIBU?

Not much of a partnership is it? He prioritises his ex over you?
Time to reconsider your future imo op.

Its really not is it? I know his son should be his priority, my kids are mine, but a bit of help and support isn't asking too much from a committed partner is it?

Are you in the UK?

Yes why? As single parents we are allowed to bubble arent we?

I think it was insensitive of him to tell you it was because he wanted to help his ex, as you say, knowing full well he had recently had a similar conversation with you.

What is the dynamic like between him and your kids? What did you want him to do when he came over? Did it involve watching/home schooling the kids?

I think it is the insensitivity thats upset me the most really. He does this often and I'm really not up for it at the moment. He treats his ex with kid gloves but just isn't like that with me at all. I told him this week that I was really struggling with stress and my mood, and was really really down. I apologised if I was a bit off and that this was why. By Wednesday he was snapping at me that I'd been in a mood for days and that I was 'doing his head in now' and that he was sick of it. I had been down but I hadn't in any way been horrible to him because of it.

I don't know what I wanted really, just some support, a hug someone to share a brew with. He has a great relationship with my kids, he's been in their lives longer than their own Dad and they are all very comfortable with each other.

He is reinforcing he isn't emotionally available for you op...
Listen to him.
Before you start doubting yourself.

@Santaiscovidfree I think that's what has gotten to me today really. The realisation of this. We've already had this conversation, when I have said I don't feel that he is there for me. He will say that he is and that he loves me but then disappear and make promises he won't keep. And then if I bring it up to him again that he's said he will help he'll just make me feel bad for asking him when he's busy and has his own priorities. It makes me feel stupid to be honest. I hate asking for help so when I do and it goes like this I feel humiliated to be honest.

Ugh. He's just not supportive. Seems to care more about his ex than about you. What the point of him?

I'd consider my options.

I had dc when I met now dh. He had none. He respected my independence and how I was raising my dc and kept on the sidelines in a way . If I had spelled out I would appreciate some help he most def would have. I feel you dp is taking advantage of your ability to have always managed and now he is put on the spot he realises actually he isn't prepared to be more than a basic bf..