This marriage has aged me

[Langloo]

I no longer live in my home town and don't really keep in touch with old school friends; I don't really use social media.

I have however recently had a "browse" of a few social media accounts of people I went to school with. They all look so young, healthy and youthful compared to me, despite them having children too.

We're all 35 now. I'm overweight since having DCs, my skin is awful, I have a chronic health condition and feel about 50.

They've all married men around their own age, whilst I married a man 10 years older than me. My DH acts much older than his years; he's lazy, out of touch with my basic needs, unhealthy, too tired for sex, unloving, uncaring, difficult to talk to about anything, gossips about people all the time similarly to MIL and is completely draining me. He asks monotonous questions, is negative and joyless, depressive even.

I realise, looking at all my old school friends, that it's not having children which has aged me. My marriage has aged me, DH has aged me. I'm tired all the time even when I sleep well, I feel stressed out, I get aches and pains, I don't wear fashionable clothes.

Does anyone else feel like this?

DH has aged you but it’s not because he’s older. It’s all the other negative things you’ve said. You can still change things though, turn the tide so to speak.

You’re in a toxic marriage and that’s what’s aged you. Worry. Time to focus on yourself and get out? There’s more to life than this

Well you don’t sound happy, that’s for sure. What are your options? Because it all sounds pretty joyless.

You are only 35. You are obviously unhappy. What options do you have? I think, option one, is to start building a support system around you. Difficult at the moment I grant you. Find people you can confide in. Two: Your confidence is low too. What are you good at? What are your good qualities? Could be something tiny, but equally something that makes you feel proud. Then, when you get a little confidence and a little support, Three: get rid of the man. He's a dead weight. You can do better on your own without him taking up space in the house.

Social media can present people in a better light than they actually look or feel. I bet all your old school mates all have their anxiety too.