I had a pretty rubbish time socially throughout my teens after falling out with this one girl in my class.
She had 3 older sisters, of whom had "popular" groups of friends who were captains of netball and hockey teams. It wasn't long before the sisters and their friends began rounding on me due to the fall out. I remember walking to school one morning with one friend who was very quiet and 4-5 older girls were walking behind me mocking me about a boy I liked and for having periods in year 7. They also started a rumour that I was shoving socks into my bra which went on for 3 years.
On top of this, the sisters had cousins who attended the same school, so they also rounded on me.
Not only this, but the sisters' parents had lived in our village all their lives and were friends with many of the other childrens parents at my school who all seemed to have grown up together.
This created a whole network of family, supporters, friends that the sisters had grown up with. The girl I fell out with had so many friends and connections that I had to completely change my friendship group, which led to troubled behaviours. I wasn't bullied by all these people, but quite a lot of them, I was however "cut out" socially by plenty.
I was alienated and when we reached year 11, the sisters, the cousins, kids whose parents were friends with the sisters' parents threw parties that I was never invited to. A further fall out with this girl led to me being pushed into a road by an older boy who had left school and spat at.
There were odd connections to these girls throughout the school, throughout all year groups and it felt really odd. I'd never experienced this at my own primary school where everything had been pleasant and normal, which sat just outside the village. The primary school that the sisters came from seemed to form this huge, clique of children which became the social core of my high school.
I ended up with an older boyfriend, troubled friends, whilst enduring a troubled alcohol-fuelled upbringing.
I went on to do well for myself though, I've moved away from that village, although my parents still live there and I don't connect with any of the social clique on social media.
I have however stumbled upon some photographs on social media, as my friend was tagged in them. A wedding that took place a while ago. I had a look and I can see that the sisters have all married children of their parents friends, mother-in-laws are obviously related to aunties husbands, one has married the cousin of their ex. It's all very interwoven. But definitely not incestuous.
As I flick through the photos, I see that I never stood a chance at school. Those relationships within that extended group run deeply. It seems strange in this modern day for people to remain living in the same place, marrying the people they once shared classrooms with and hockey teams.
I realise how lonely I was.
I'm not in touch with any of my school friends and wonder if this is why... is that one fall out the cause of my alienation, the reason I don't have the social circles and support that they clearly do?
It makes me want to go back and tell my parents to allow me to change to a new school, I don't know why I never asked.
I detested school.
I guess it's taught me that sometimes, a new school really is the only answer. I always thought that, being the one in the minority, there must have been something wrong with me, but I can see now that there wasnt. Generations of loyalty and interwoven (often toxic) connections caused the bullying and coldness.
It's quite sad really.
What are your thoughts?