Controlling?

[kennelmaid]

My dad (86) lives with us and I spend time with him every day - around an hour at lunch time and another hour in the evening, usually after my husband has gone to bed (we sleep in separate bedrooms). My DH has complained that I am spending too much time with my DF. Generally, my DH just wants me around him all the time and if I'm not where he expects me to be in the house, he'll come looking for me. Today he said that the coal fire had gone out while he'd been out with or dog and it was because I'd spent too long with my DF and hadn't been here watching it. We are both retired, so all at home together 24/7.

Is he right - is 90 minutes a day too long to spend with my dad?

That should read half an hour at lunch time.

Do you spend time on your own with your husband or is it all with your dad? If you don't spend alone time with your husband then I kind of see his point. Is he feeling left out etc? If not and he just wants to keep tabs on you I'd tell him where to go

I'm with my husband all day every day apart from 90 minutes when I'm walking our dog, 90 minutes with my dad.

God, he sounds a right misery. I wonder whether he'll want more attention than that when he's your dad's age?

He's in bed when you're with your dad in the evening anyway!!!

You will never regret time you spent with your dad.

I would be spending far less time with your arsehole of a husband of I were you. Why doesn't he just put a leash on you, ffs. How can you stand being suffocated like this?

That would drive me mad, sounds like he's jealous of the time you spend with your dad and that's very unreasonable

@HollowTalk that's what I think too.

What is your DH like when you want to go out with friends or away for a night. I'm assuming you had a social life before lockdown

I couldn’t stand that. Me and my DH barely see each other apart from maybe a movie in the evening. Suits me. Anymore than that and I’m bored stiff. How can you stand it!! Don’t you go see friends?

It's worrying you think this is anywhere near ok. Implies to me this has been going on quite a while but lockdown has made it more evident.

As PP mentioned, I assume pre lockdown if you had an evening out with friends he would be sulky either before / after?

Generally, my DH just wants me around him all the time and if I'm not where he expects me to be in the house, he'll come looking for me.

He wants you near him all the time and begrudges you time with your elderly father?!

He sounds horrible.

Why does he think it is your responsibility to make sure the fire doesn't go out?