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Relationships

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Original poster

Partner calling me fat

42 replies

charlotte64 · 27/01/2021 22:35

I gave birth 6 month ago and really really conscious of my body. I've went from being a size 8 pre pregnancy to size 14. I really want to start excercising/eating more healthy but being kept on my toes with a 6 month teething baby all day who hardly sleeps exercise is the last thing on my mind
My partner knows how unhappy I am - I won't let him in the bathroom when In the bath if he needs toilet and if we have sex I either have to keep my top on or the cover stays over at all times - I know, boring! I just refuse to let him see me naked since giving birth I hate my body I've put on loads of weight boobs are saggy belly's saggy just not feeling very attractive
Anyway I was getting out the bath earlier and forgot to grab jarmas had to make a run for it across landing - partner saw me but didn't say anything I was mortified
Fast forward Couple of hours later we where joking on can't remember what about but he made the comment ' your just a fat bitch anyway ' I've took it too heart and instantly thought it's cos he saw me earlier and honestly could sit and cry i never said anything and just walked out he's never called me fat up until he seen me earlier
Am I over reacting by been so upset by this? I think it's cos he knows how conscious and embarrassed I am off my body and he's said that that hurts the most

OP posts:

Silenceisgolden20 · 28/01/2021 09:31

If it was a jokey situation , it was negging.

How would he like it if you called you a Fat bastard? Oh, as a 'joke'

Don't ever excuse this.

Countingthebeat · 28/01/2021 09:39

@EvenMoreFuriousVexation

Yes I am a bit older than you , my weight has fluctuated over the years but even by my twenties I had unfortunately had a fair bit of experience in men body shaming and also on seeing the way men body shame women especially through their expectations with porn nowadays
It wasn’t just my personal experience however that made me realise how much men body shame women it was looking at men’s expectations of women’s appearance in the way women are portrayed and men talk about women , Listening to friends and reading the many many posts here from women such as the OP

Starlia · 28/01/2021 09:47

@Silenceisgolden20

He called you a bitch.

Regardless of anything, he called you a bitch.

Are other posters not seeing how awful that is or are their bars so low that is normal?

Yep. Also this.

Flittingaboutagain · 28/01/2021 12:15

Yes this has nothing to do with size or weight. It's about having a cruel partner. He could have said X bitch it wouldn't matter. If X was something he knew was an issue he's horrid to use your insecurity against you.

billy1966 · 28/01/2021 12:51

@Silenceisgolden20

He called you a bitch.

Regardless of anything, he called you a bitch.

Are other posters not seeing how awful that is or are their bars so low that is normal?

It is just extraordinary that so many on MN have unimaginably low expectations of men that they would try and explain away being called a fat bitch.

This is NOT how decent man speak to women.

Ever.

EVER.

🙄

Poor OP.

AnitaB888 · 28/01/2021 13:30

I agree that you need to lose some ugly fat, about 150 lbs of it, in the form of your nasty, abusive husband.

I would get some advice about how you would stand financially if you were to split up.

Sunflower1970 · 29/01/2021 15:09

Very insensitive of him. I would take this nasty comment and turn it into something positive. Try an online slimming world group and try and work on your weight - not for him for you. You are really unhappy and this would really get you back to where you want to be xx

B1rdflyinghigh · 29/01/2021 18:53

I would imagine the reason that you're already feeling bad about your body is because you're partner values you purely on what you look like and not on all the amazing qualities that you have. Size 14 isn't huge, it's average. He should be adoring your body for the child that you gave him.
Id loose about 12 stone by ditching him.

cliftonbear · 29/01/2021 21:32

OP I’m so sorry he said that, what an inconsiderate bastard! Tell him you feel extremely hurt by what he said and make aure he understands that’s NOT okay to say even as a joke! Have you told him how you feel about your body? He should be reassuring you, not being a prick >:( and you’ll lose the weight in time!

Onthedunes · 29/01/2021 23:03

@Flittingaboutagain

This.

He used your biggest insecurity at the moment and used that against you.
Those are the actions of a cruel even sadistic partner.

I read another thread on here the other day where a woman said her partner took a picture of her in the morning and sent it to his friend with the caption "do you want to buy a dog" ?

I am appalled at some of the comments men make in the name of joking or banter.
It needs to stop.

Zero tolerance.

mushforbrain · 29/01/2021 23:13

I am really shocked by some of the comments here trying to explain away his comments or make out like men are just ‘twattish’ about these things... He called you a fat bitch. A fat bitch. He wanted to hurt you, he wanted to upset you, to offend you. Would you ever want to make HIM feel that way OP? Of course you wouldn’t. You haven’t said if he’s actually apologised, mortified at his words... no of course he isn’t because he achieved what he wanted.

MyNameForToday1980 · 29/01/2021 23:16

My husband, who loves me and treats me with respect would never, ever, call me any sort of 'bitch' let alone a 'fat' one.

Never in a month of Sundays, even in our worst argument, even if I was being really annoying. It just wouldn't come out of his mouth.

It's just not okay, pleased consider this, along with the other words says and actions he takes, and think about whether he treats you with the kindness you deserve.

yaboo · 30/01/2021 03:21

If my OH called me a fat bitch I'd whack him hard in his balls. No nookie, no dinner, 'til he apologizes. Arsehole.

4redSocks · 30/01/2021 04:15

Disgusting OP. I’ll be interested to hear your update on what your partner’s response was.

QwertyGurty · 30/01/2021 05:05

Hi OP, congratulations on becoming a new mum. I recently had a baby (4 months ago) and have gained weight since giving birth. I loved my pregnant body. Now my abs and pelvic floor are recovering and everything's a bit loose and weakened, and bigger than it has ever been before. Even though I know this is to be expected, I don't feel good when I look at myself and have told my partner my insecurities. He's been supportive and kind, he says I'm giving myself a hard time (he is right).

If he said something like that to me, i'd tell him to go fuck himself.

I should take a leaf out of my own book when I say this to you, but please be proud of yourself, amazing mama. Be kind to yourself. And don't take any shit from anyone who puts you down. X

Lozzerbmc · 30/01/2021 08:20

Its a disgusting behaviour and I would seriously rethink your future with this vile man.

Takingontheflab · 30/01/2021 13:30

Calling your partner a fat bitch, even in jest is unacceptable

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