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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Need Advice on Harassment from Mom

9 replies

gemmajams · 26/01/2021 22:15

Hi! I need help understanding what options are available to me/what I can do to keep my Mom away from me and my child. I went no contact about eight months ago, and she has shown up to my doorstep uninvited while my kid was home. She has called and left voicemails repeatedly, and proceeds to contact my husband who does not respond. She's threatened to sue for grandparent rights. She has been diagnosed Borderline Personality Disorder. The final straw was when she sent a barrage of messages to my husband about perceived mistakes I made in my early twenties, which included not only her warped perspective, but flat out lies. What should I do? I don't want to be bullied into talking to her, or having a relationship with her. She causes me nothing but distress, and abused me verbally, mentally, sometimes physically...since I was a kid. My siblings have constant falling outs with her, which I only know through ex-spouses because I don't have a relationship with my brothers either. Beyond the constant triangulation that would happen because of my mother, they have drug and alcohol abuse issues. I should be able to decide who is and who is not in my life.

OP posts:
Ohalrightthen · 26/01/2021 22:17

Block her on all phones and all platforms, and the next time she turns up at your house, do not answer the door and call 999.

MrsClatterbuck · 26/01/2021 22:21

You can call 101 and get advice. Keep all texts etc as evidence of harrassment. Can you see a solicitor about a case and desist letter. I'm sure other posters will be along with proper advice

Cabinfever10 · 26/01/2021 22:53

She can't sue for gp rights there's no such thing.
She could apply to the court for permission to seek a contact order but would have to prove that there was already an established relationship with your dc to get that permission and then would have to prove that it's in your dcs best interests to have a relationship with her.
I would suggest contacting the police about her harassment of you and your dh and both block her on everything.

gemmajams · 27/01/2021 00:02

I really appreciate the responses. I feel alien because this goes against everything we are taught by society about the mom-daughter relationship, but I just know any form of contact with her is ultimately unhealthy for me. In the messages to my husband, she told him of an abortion I had he didn’t know about. We’re actually in the US, where there’s a slim chance she could get rights but would likely have to prove we are somehow unfit which would be false allegations but I can’t put anything past her at this point.

OP posts:
gemmajams · 27/01/2021 00:07

I’m going to receive a call tomorrow from a lawyer and all I have are the texts to my husband since I blocked her when I went no contact. I also have the voicemail where she threatened to sue. But hopefully that will be sufficient. Thank you for the advice. I know now I won’t answer the door and I’ll submit a complaint to 311 like I should have done the first time.

OP posts:
gemmajams · 27/01/2021 00:54

And to be clear, the abortion was from a previous relationship when I was in college.

OP posts:
Deathraystare · 27/01/2021 08:03

The OP might be American as she calls her Mom not mum! So 999 and 111 not right!

lazylump72 · 27/01/2021 08:06

restraining order

Seatime · 27/01/2021 08:45

You don't deserve to be abused. At this stage authorities need to be involved. Police called when she shows up at your house. There are stalker services such as Palladin and also Women's Aid, to give you support and perspective. She needs professional help, but you are not her doctor. Protect yourself and your child, put the little one first and it will fall into place.

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