STBX wants me to take DD out while he picks up

[sophmum31]

I don't know what I'm expecting from this post but I'm really cross about a situation and need to let off some steam.

I'm getting divorced, myself and the children live in the family home while STBX has rented a house in another town. My STBX and our DD14 have had a tricky relationship for a while now, he is controlling and wants everything his way, she won't be controlled so they end up at loggerheads most of the time. He has bullied me since he has left, a lot of this she has witnessed and she is in a position where she never wants to see him again (I wish i could also make that decision!).

Last week, he came to take the family TV from the living room wall while she was watching it (he already has a TV at his rented place and we have another smaller older tv he could take but he wanted a smart tv apparently and its his as he paid for it). This resulted in a big argument between them (I was working and not able to stop it happening), she was trying to stop him taking it and ended up throwing the remote control into the street and broke it. This resulted in his accusations that he would call the police on her, that she would have to pay him money for every minute he did not have a remote control and that he wouldn't cooperate with the divorce until she replaced it from her own money (he said this directly to her).

If this isn't mental enough. He is coming on Saturday to pick up our DS10 for a few days. He has suggested over text that when he arrives on the drive he will wait in the car and I will have to take our DD out while he picks our son up. WTF?? Obviously I'm not going to but I can't even believe the suggestion!

My dad was a complete shit and was utterly selfish, but when he left he only took his personal belongings. I'm sorry you're going through this but your daughter sounds great.

Apply for an occupation order so you can change the locks.

He waits in the car and you send DS out to him. He doesn't need to set foot near your front door!

Jeez he sounds awful! Well done on getting rid. Can you keep the bolts on and go out the back door when you leave the house?

Yes op I do think you need to get some kind of court order thingy in place. Ask social services for advice?

Why can’t you change the locks?

I know strictly speaking you shouldn’t but it’s not as if the police will get involved as it’s a civil matter. The only thing he could do is go to court to force you to give him access. That will take time with covid and I’m sure a court will not look kindly on him removing shared assets without consent (leaving his children with nothing to sit on ) and intimidating his DD if it gets that far which I doubt it will. He has another address so it’s not like he’s been made homeless. In the meantime you can get an occupation order.

You need to start playing some hardball.

Thank goodness you are getting shot of him. He sounds horrible.

Why are you letting him clear you and your children’s home? Change the locks first thing tmrw

What @CoronaIsShit said.

Change the locks or add an additional one.

Block and ignore this childish arse wipe and never allow him in your home again.

Burner phone for your DC to directly communicate with him.

Thank goodness you're nearly rid of this pos.

Change the locks .. he lives elsewhere .. he is a danger to your daughter .. when you are not there ... you should have called the Police 🌺

It is so sad that a father of two children has to put his own bitterness and ego before a relationship with his own children. One day he will realise money will not be at his bedside when he is sick or give him pride or amazement at an achievement. You, of course, have to protect you sanity and security and follow the good advice up thread.

Absolutely change the locks and phone your solicitor first thing. Report his abuse to the police and call them every time he shows up being aggressive.

The household items are marital assets they aren't his because he paid for them

"This resulted in a big argument between them (I was working and not able to stop it happening), "

Out of interest, how would you have done this? I can well imagine that while you were together a lot of your daily life may have been spent trying to smooth things over, even if it meant appeasing him at times. No judgement from me on that - it is easy for people to say you should always stand up for yourself in arguements but if you are lving day to day with a twat you sometimes have to smooth stuff ovewr for everyones sake.
HOWEVER, you are no longer living with him. So while I dont advocate getting down to his level, and of course you want to keep things peaceful for your children, you DONT have to head of "arguements" between your ex and your daughter (not really an arguement, it was him being a twat). So if by prevent an arguement you meant you would have gone and said, "dont be silly of course you are not taking the TV now, DD is watching something, we can discuss all that when we discuss the divorce settlement/in mediation next week" then thats fine. If by prevent an arguement you would have gone and said "please DD, I know you were watching something but just let it go for now, we can have ice-cream in your room later". Then you don't need to do that anymore. Celebrate that!

@RandomMess

The household items are marital assets they aren't his because he paid for them

this...

you appear to believe because he bought everything he owns it.. well that's not how marriage works.. you own 50% of it too OP 🌺

Protect your daughter ... and son.. and stop accepting this bollocks from Him 🌺

@sophmum31 shame you lost your house keys and had to change the locks. Sure he can take it to court for a copy but by then you should have an occupation order.

He isn't to come to your door again to pick up or drop off he can wait in the car.

"Loose" your keys and change the locks.

Contact 101 and SS, he threaten his daughter.

He has no right to forcibly remove marital goods OP.

He is abusing ye all.

Please get on to Women's Aid for advice and support.

Your poor daughter.
Tell Women's Aid he is demanding his child leaves HER home when he picks up.

Abusive Prick.