would you leave anyway?

IHTC · 26/01/2021 15:56

Yes I would leave because personally, I couldn't live in a house with an atmosphere and I don't think that would be fair on my daughter. I would rather move on and find happiness even if that meant I had materially less.

Lozzerbmc · 26/01/2021 21:02

Sorry you’re going through this. Are your DC’s better off though really? With an unhappy mum? I think they’d rather be in a smaller home with a free and happy mum.

Why couldnt you work and look after the children? Do you have a job currently?

seensome · 26/01/2021 21:19

Yep I would, no way could I keep up the pretence.
Is there a way of staying in the house with benefits and maintenance from him?
I'm separated but actually better off financially with two part time jobs, one where I can work from home plus help from uc and maintenance, than I was a sahm in a controlled relationship.
I understand though it's hard at the moment to find a job in lockdown, but when you are able to you will be happier for it.

partyatthepalace · 26/01/2021 21:50

You sound v unhappy OP. Your kids will be fine in a smaller house, and I suspect you can find something in a nice enough area.

Why would you have to stop work if you are working now - couldn’t you share care with their dad??

Shoxfordian · 26/01/2021 21:54

I would leave because I couldn’t stay with a man so lacking in integrity

Lockdownisshit · 26/01/2021 22:31

Yes
Kids are happy wherever they are as long as they’re with a happy mum
They don’t need the best of everything

BlueThistles · 26/01/2021 22:41

So you are house mates ? kinda ..

if it works for you both then it works for you both...

beware of what your children learn from these decisions OP 🌺

Cabinfever10 · 26/01/2021 22:44

I would kick him out and get a shl and take the cheating bastard for everything i could

IHeartKingThistle · 26/01/2021 22:52

Oh I'm sorry you're facing this. I'll answer honestly. If I was in no danger and nor were the DCs, then I don't think I would leave during a pandemic under those circumstances, no. I'd spend the time getting all my ducks in a row for when I did go though. Good luck x

Embracelife · 27/01/2021 09:49

Is it still convenient to be with him?
You seem to think so.

But see a therapist online and talk it through

daddyshark1976 · 27/01/2021 09:58

"I went ahead with the marriage (marriage of convenience for me not that he'd know)"

this isn't very nice to hear. can I ask did you get married to him before or after you knew about the affair? If you got married to him before there was an kind of affair, and you only got married because it suited you and that you didn't actually love him (implied by your marriage of convenience quote) then I think its likely he picked up on the fact you didn't love him (show affection etc) and that gave him a licence to stray and enter an affair (also not nice).

steppemum · 27/01/2021 10:09

well, on one level, yes of course I would leave. No question.

BUT. I can imagine a situation where the two of you choose to co-parent and share a house for the sake of the kids.

I would do that, but only if that was open and confirmed between us. I would not live a pretence.

Also, right now, in the middle of the pandemic, I would not do anything, I would sit tight.

edwinbear · 27/01/2021 10:40

Going against the grain, but I'd stay. I'm currently in a marriage which has run it's course. but divorce means selling the house and taking DC out of private school. I'm actually the only earner, (DH has been unemployed for over a year), but divorce would mean handing over half of the savings I have ear marked for school fees and I can't work the very long hours I do, without DH doing school drop offs/pick ups (when schools are open).

There are no arguments at home because neither DH nor I, care enough to argue anymore, we just lead very separate lives. I'm sacrificing my own happiness for DC's and I'm absolutely fine with that.

BlueThistles · 28/01/2021 17:18

@edwinbear

Going against the grain, but I'd stay. I'm currently in a marriage which has run it's course. but divorce means selling the house and taking DC out of private school. I'm actually the only earner, (DH has been unemployed for over a year), but divorce would mean handing over half of the savings I have ear marked for school fees and I can't work the very long hours I do, without DH doing school drop offs/pick ups (when schools are open).

There are no arguments at home because neither DH nor I, care enough to argue anymore, we just lead very separate lives. I'm sacrificing my own happiness for DC's and I'm absolutely fine with that.

hand on heart Respect to you ....

you're balancing home life and protecting your kids future.. can't argue with this and it's working for you guys .. 🌺

gannett · 28/01/2021 18:07

@bugeyedbooboo

If your husband was not faithful to you (think an ongoing affair that has continued even after finding out about it) would you remain living with them and stay married, if the alternative was leaving them for a much lower quality of life for you and your DC's and onto benefits in a smaller house in not such a nice area? Would you stay if it meant your DC's were much better off? What if it meant you couldn't work because you'd have to look after them all day because nurseries/schools are shut? What would you do? I went ahead with the marriage (marriage of convenience for me not that he'd know) so I would leave with at least something. Yes they're his biological children.

Think about how your DCs will be better off psychologically, not just financially.

It doesn't sound like this has ever been a healthy or meaningful marriage. He's breaking his wedding vows without shame and you lied when you said them (so you could have a nicer lifestyle?). Both of you should start saving up for your children's therapy bills because both of you will owe them big time.