How to deal with telling DC me and DP splitting

[Newernewist]

Hi, I need help.
I split with DC father 5 years ago, it was an abusive relationship, I still suffer now with fear of him, I'm waiting for CBT, they think I've got PTSD.
I was accused, monitored, gaslighted etc.
Went on for years.
I met my current partner 4 years ago

I'm being accused of cheating and closing a tab down on a website last night, I didnt.
I didnt do what he is saying ive done
So hes moving out.
Strangely I feel ok at the moment.
How do I tell my DC, their dad is a prick, DP is fantastic with them, they have more respect for him than they do their dad.
Ive accepted that I need out.
But how do I do this to them again.
My DD is 12, DS 16, how do I do this again to them.
Please help

OP,
Clearly he was abusive.

Your daughter is a child and adult rela6are complicated.

Tell her that.
Tell her that all you can do is your best, and you are doing that by breaking up with him.

Definitely take a break OP.

You have gone from one abusive relationship into another.

Stop the cycle by doing the work.

Things will work out.

Don't allow him near you again.
Keep posting.

[quote Newernewist]@sickofit39 how you doing?[/quote]
Hey
I'm doing ok I guess . It's very anxiety inducing 🥺 he's just gone cold ,short tempered and is generally being dismissive and mean . You must be strong and try to keep your head up your situation sounds very hard just keep pressing forward xxx

Hmm, he’s accused you of cheating and is walking out ASAP. I’d say he is the one cheating, he’s deflected his behaviour and given an excuse to leave.
What’s the situation wrt housing, money etc?

I've spent all day on the phone from 8am with benefits CAB, local council etc

I'm confused.
It doesn't look like im going to be that much worse off, but I keep getting different figures.
I cant wrap my head around it all.
I cant go back to my old benefits, it's got to be Universal credit
I'm going to speak to LL and see if he is happy with me staying here.

Ive been in touch with womens aid throughout the day too
I feel strangely calm, and much stronger than yesterday.
I'm gaining a lot of support from AA, I am 162 days sober.
I'm petrified I'm going to pick up a drink, but determined not to.

Is he leaving sickofit?

You poor thing. He is just another abuser. Him wanting to leave is the best thing that can happen. Please don't change your mind. Get him out!
Tell your kids that things weren;t working out between you but it's nothing to do with them - don't let them feel involved in the issues x

Hes gone, my mind is made up.
I think he thought he could do the ignore me, make me anxious thing for a few days and everything would go back to normal
Something just clicked, scales fell from my eyes.
I'm exhausted with it all, I haven't felt loved for a long time.
I need to focus on me, on my kids.
Freedom programme booked, on a waiting list for CBT, regular AA meetings, benefits sorted.
Need to speak to my landlord and make sure hes happy with me staying by myself, I think he should be, I can cover the rent with universal credit and a top up.
I've told kids hes having a few days away after arguing, I will sit them down on Sunday when they are back from their dads. I'm absolutely dreading it, I dont know what to say to them at all.

Well don OP.

You tell them the truth.
It wasn't working out.
You weren't happy.
It's for the best.

You are much stronger than you realise.

Maintaining sobriety despite the huge stress of this nasty prick in your life.

Continue to get support over the next few days.
You can do this.
Keep posting.
👏👏👏

Today hasn't been too bad, I've got through it in one piece,sorted a lot of stuff out admin wise, spent some really nice time with DC, I think we might be ok

Of course you will be ok.

They have you, their mother.

Some nasty twat that has brought you grief will be forgotten in no time.

No need for too much details.
"Adult relationships sometimes don't workout.
He wasn't very nice so I asked him to leave. These things happen"

The biggest focus for you bar tge children is maintaining your sobriety.

You have done so well.

Protect your sobriety.

Thank you so much.
I feel so much more positive today.
You are right, my sobriety has got me to where I am being able to make this decision
I'm not getting sober to feel like crap every day.
I think I can face tomorrow without fear.

Good for you OP.
One day at a time.

You don't need him.
You need to focus on yourself.