Am I over thinking this?

[Notanothermask]

Hey,
I'm fully prepared for you all to tell me I am but I need to get it out my head as it's really bugging meX
So me and DP share chores equally we have a "chart" not written but verbal IE well sit down and say you do bins I do dishes and so on, we are both happy with this and often change when bored of doing the same thing for a while.
But problem is recently at least once a day he'll "thank" me for doing my chore so it's my turn to wash the dishes he'll say Thankyou for washing the dishes for me? The first couple of times I ignored it I was baffled but carried on, then after a few day I questioned him. I said why are you saying Thankyou it's my chore why wouldn't I, he brushed it off and changed the subject so I left it. It kept happening so again I questioned him told him if was baffling me why he was thanking me for doing what we had agreed was my chore, he told me he just appreciated me doing it so was just thanking me for it, so I said okay that's fair but I'm not doing it for him I'm doing it as I live here to and the cleaning is both our responsibility to clean etc and he doesn't need to thank me in future, it's stopped for a while but he's starting doing it again,
It's really starting to bug me he's also starting to compare things
We have a child so spare time is not something we have a lot also working, but if I go for a bath or something he'll have to do something alone for the same amount of time but he'll say ok you've just had a bath so I'm going on a bike ride, I understand we both want free time away from each other and child but if I say the same I get well I am aloud to do things you know.
I'm just so confused and think lockdown is getting to me

I am not sure what you think the issue is? Is there some backstory? My fiance and I always say 'cheers for doing the bathroom/kitchen'... just out of habit or general thanks for the effort it's appreciated? Idk.

I think it's nice that he's thanking you, wouldn't be impressed with the timekeeping of your leisure time though.

@ErickBroch thanks for the reply, I think it's just the for me part, as he it's just not a general Thankyou, I know I'm probably way over thinking this and need somebody else to tell me, we have always shared cleaning duties but it's only been the past 6 or so months which is why it's sorta thrown me off.

@yvanka
Thanks I'm just not used to be thanked for a job I agreed I would do. Clearly I'm just overthinking it Thankyou,
And yes it is strange, I don't tend to shower/bathe in the day as I'm usually working or looking after DC but I'm starting to feel like it's tit for tat, like every time I do somthing a lone he has to where as if he did it wouldn't even cross my mind.

My partner doesn't thank me for doing any of the chores, but I always thank him as I feel like it's my job (even though it isn't). I feel happy that he's saved me a job, but then if you both have a set of chores each then I suppose there isn't any need for him to thank you.

I sort of understand the tit for tat type thing. I don't intentionally do it, but if my partner does something for half a day etc, I suddenly find myself working out what I'm going to do the next day with my free time. It is really stupid and annoying, but we both do it and then we both argue about it 😂

Yes, I think you are overthinking it :)

@Ineedsleepzz

My partner doesn't thank me for doing any of the chores, but I always thank him as I feel like it's my job (even though it isn't). I feel happy that he's saved me a job, but then if you both have a set of chores each then I suppose there isn't any need for him to thank you.

I sort of understand the tit for tat type thing. I don't intentionally do it, but if my partner does something for half a day etc, I suddenly find myself working out what I'm going to do the next day with my free time. It is really stupid and annoying, but we both do it and then we both argue about it 😂

I think that's why I'm confused, he shouldn't feel the need to thank me as it's shared and equal, I obv need to stop over thinking it :)

That's why it's strange as I work weekend till about 11pm and DC goes to sleep at 6.30 so he has like 4 hours completely by himself for 3 days a week so it not like his alone time is sparse where as I don't get any "personal" time as DP finishes around tea time so I'm either with DC or him x

@shivermetimbers77

Yes, I think you are overthinking it :)

Thank you, think lack of social time is getting to me x

I can see why the "for me" part might raise your hackles a bit - it makes you sound like you are his employee rather than partner - but unless there's a whole lot more going on it's not worth any upset.

@user194729573

I can see why the "for me" part might raise your hackles a bit - it makes you sound like you are his employee rather than partner - but unless there's a whole lot more going on it's not worth any upset.

Yeh I think that's the part that's bugging me as Ive said to him before I'm not doing it for "him" I'm doing it for us our home etc Thankyou for replying defiantly going to ignore it from now on

Clearing out old books and found "Transaction Analysis", 1990 approx. and then he's got the wrong end of the stick.
Likes to be the go-to person in any group.
Sounds harmless though.

@Notanothermask

I too thought you were 'overthinking' things, until I read that he feels he has to make a point of making sure he gets exactly the same amount of free time as you, to the minute !

Although I'd not make a huge deal of it, I'd definitely be making a point in a 'jokey' manner about his unaccounted 'free time'

e.g ''Oh, I'd better start thinking about what I'm going to spend my free time on since you've had 4 hours watching TV ! LOL.

Maybe that will help him see that he's being petty ?

[quote updownroundandround]@Notanothermask

I too thought you were 'overthinking' things, until I read that he feels he has to make a point of making sure he gets exactly the same amount of free time as you, to the minute !

Although I'd not make a huge deal of it, I'd definitely be making a point in a 'jokey' manner about his unaccounted 'free time'

e.g ''Oh, I'd better start thinking about what I'm going to spend my free time on since you've had 4 hours watching TV ! LOL.

Maybe that will help him see that he's being petty ? [/quote]
Yeh I might just start doing that, it doesn't bother me that he gets more time than me or whatever it bothers me that he has to make the point but forgetting about his free time, and I think more that he considers my free time is taking a bath when it's not a luxury it's just hygiene
Thankyou for your reply