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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Single women, do you really want to meet someone or not bothered?

19 replies

MyLifeNow20 · 25/01/2021 22:46

Split up with ExH 3.5 years ago. Of course he moved on and had a baby 18 months after splitting up, had a very difficult time.

I have 3 DD's. 18, 14 and 6 (6 yr old is his, older 2 dad lives in america and they havent seen him for 18 months.)

Met someone a year after splitting up, we were together and then split up and then got together on and off up until a month ago. I do think about him. Bumped into him tonight and had a chat which was fine. Last time I saw him as FWB I said would he want to go further and he said he was happy how it was so I said ok I need to move on.
Decided I want to meet someone, tinder is awful, no one to match with, maybe cos i put 3 kids.
I am quite happy on my own, ive recently got a horse of my dreams. I work, i am independant, like to be in control of my money.
But a couple friends who split with their husbands recently have said they want to meet someone soon. I dont get the rush....

OP posts:

GhYr · 25/01/2021 22:55

Your post is a little contradictory.

Original poster

MyLifeNow20 · 25/01/2021 23:01

why?

OP posts:

Original poster

MyLifeNow20 · 25/01/2021 23:02

I am just wondering if I am putting too much pressure on myself.

OP posts:

seensome · 25/01/2021 23:08

Er it's contradictory because you giving your friends advice that you aren't taking yourself.

AmywithanL · 25/01/2021 23:09

I separated from my partner 3 months ago, after 7 years together.
I have 3 children, the youngest being his and I am happy being single!
I am looking forward to what the future holds were as before, when I was in a relationship, I was just filled with dread!
I can do what I want, be who I want, watch what I want, go out when I want ( childcare providing!) take long baths, starfish in bed naked without being pestered for sex, have whoever I want around to my house ( once lockdown is over) decorate the house how I want, make myself look nice without being questioned about it. If someone comes along then he (or she 😉) would have to be very special to make me want to be in a relationship.

I am definitely not the sort to be ‘hooking up’ with everyone and anyone, and to be honest, at the moment, even the thought of cuddling someone on the sofa repulses me!

I have been quite happy scoffing maltesers and binge watching everything

Cloverforever · 25/01/2021 23:09

Decided I want to meet someone,
I am quite happy onmy own = contradictory.

Silenceisgolden20 · 25/01/2021 23:18

But you said you wanted more with your fwb? Did I read that right? They didn't so you had to move on.
To what?

pumpkinbump · 25/01/2021 23:45

I've been single around 2.5 years, no relations with anyone whatsoever. I am used to being single now and I'm OK with it. Part of me would like to have another relationship and part of me just doesn't.

MossandRoy · 25/01/2021 23:48

Loving every minute of it! Absolutely no desire to find another bloke. Ever.

MagentaDoesNotExist · 25/01/2021 23:59

I find this all a little odd OP if I'm honest (not trying to be mean). My husband left a similar amount of time to ago as yours.

I find it strange that a year later you'd be seeing someone just a year later not focusing on healing yourself and on your children, especially given their ages and the disruption it all must have caused them. A FWB sounds ideal in this situation, why did you want it to be more? What did you want it to be? Surely you wouldn't move a new man in and live together with children the ages you stated, that could really mess them up.

Then you say you have decided you really want to find someone new and are on dating apps, but say you are happy single. Which is it? I am happy single and I cannot imagine going on dating apps!

To me it sounds like you want to believe you're happy single but you aren't and you're seeking validation from a relationship, you need to feel attention from someone. And if that's true any relationship you start now is unlikely to end well especially with children involved.

Focus on yourself and heal properly from your previous relationship and think about another one once you have your family back on an even keel and your children are much older.

Iamtooknackeredtorun · 26/01/2021 03:39

If tomorrow I could wake up to find myself in an established relationship with a decent man who I know and love and who feels the same then great. Whet I don't want is the hideousness of dating and having to waste my time on dickheads. I don't want the stress of those early months. I don't really want the sex that much even.

So given the first option isn't possible I'll stick with being very happily single.

Barbie23 · 26/01/2021 03:47

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

PeanuttButtaCup · 26/01/2021 03:57

@Iamtooknackeredtorun

So given the first option isn't possible I'll stick with being very happily single.

This is how I feel too

WhiteboardPens · 26/01/2021 04:35

Totally agree.

BeanieB2020 · 26/01/2021 04:55

I'd love to be in a strong established relationship with someone who knows me inside out and Vice versa. Have no interest in dating or the work it takes to get to that stage anymore. So I'm ok with being single.

Boomerwang · 26/01/2021 05:02

@Iamtooknackeredtorun

So given the first option isn't possible I'll stick with being very happily single.

Yep this is me. Been years without a man in my life and I have had enough with chosing losers, clearly I haven't got a clue.

I'd like a bit more security as part of a couple and the option to perhaps get out of the rental and find a nice house to buy, but at least when I'm single I have control over everything.

I'm still paying off the huge debt my ex put my name on to and he's been on sick leave for over 6 years yet claims he's 'doing better' all the while getting himself arrested for drug offences. I mean, I shouldn't even care to know all this but we have a daughter.

Screw that game.

Wandavision · 26/01/2021 05:11

So you've technically been 'single' a month? Yeah, I'd take a step back from that and focus on time for myself, my kids and my (horse, dog, cat 😁). It sounds like you've just literally come out of something complicated if not v involved. So I'd just utilise lockdown as a non dating period to think about what I do want vs than what could have been?

isthismylifenow · 26/01/2021 05:49

You want to meet someone but you are wanting to be single? I'm not sure if I'm understanding your post correctly.

I went into a one year relationship three years after seperating. It didn't work out very well as he found me too independent. So once again I am single and as a pp said, if I could skip out all the bullshit that comes with meeting someone, then I think I'd be happy with that. Or, if I do meet someone where there is no drama involved. But tbh that seems too good to be true, so in my mind I'm going to be single forever more. I am 50 now and I must say that my patience level for drama had diminished hugely. I really just couldn't be bothered.

TulipsTwoLips · 26/01/2021 07:07

I was very happy being single. I wasn't looking when I met my now-husband.

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