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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Am I mad that he could be interested after all this time?

26 replies

pumpkinbump · 25/01/2021 22:39

I posted this in chat but thought it may be better here.

Broke up with ex in 2015.
Dated a man a few times, went well. I was pretty messed up from the previous relationship (I know I should not have been dating).

Got back with ex, then had my daughter 2.5 years ago.

Split with ex when she was 2 months old. Very long story. He was an arse.

Didn't speak to man for a while. He popped up on WhatsApp one day, a few months after my daughter was born. Had a general quick chat. Told him about my daughter. He actually said it changed things for him (weird).

Since then he has been in contact periodically. He hints that he still likes me, and about meeting up. Not sure how serious he is so I take it with a pinch of salt.

What would you make of this?

OP posts:

Candiscophonous · 25/01/2021 22:54

I couldn’t be done with it. I’d presume he was a bit predatory towards women who can’t get away so easily, (ie ones with young babies).
I’d have to sack him off. Sorry.

Original poster

pumpkinbump · 25/01/2021 22:57

I didn't even think of it from that angle but that's not the case. He's a really decent bloke from how well I know him anyway. He has always been respectful and never taken advantage.

OP posts:

seensome · 25/01/2021 23:25

If you like him then meet him, just make sure you're on the same page about what you are looking for.

HollowTalk · 26/01/2021 00:25

In what way did it change things?

Justmuddlingalong · 26/01/2021 00:28

I'd take it as he would entertain a fwb type relationship but nothing serious in the long term.

Ikora · 26/01/2021 00:37

You are a back burner option, just don’t bother.

Original poster

pumpkinbump · 26/01/2021 00:40

Thanks all. This is what I thought. It seems he would be interested if I didn't have a child now, if he was, he'd have done something about it surely? The conversation is just friendly, nothing of the other nature.

OP posts:

RantyAnty · 26/01/2021 00:46

Lots of men going through contacts during lockdown out of boredom and loneliness.

I wouldn't take it as interest.

Original poster

pumpkinbump · 26/01/2021 01:21

He's been doing it for the last 5 years not just lockdown. I find it all strange.

OP posts:

BlueThistles · 26/01/2021 04:06

Struggling to see the "decent" man in that original post

WhiteboardPens · 26/01/2021 04:27

He sounds predatory to me.

You only went on a few dates, you don't know him well.

Put this way,

Is wrong.

Changes what? In what way?

Don't make the mistake of inferring things that he's not implying.

Tbh, I'd be immediately put of someone who implied they were more attracted to me once I'd had a baby. That not a positive thing. Whatever future you are imagining with him - stop. Give him a wide berth!

Wandavision · 26/01/2021 04:41

Urgh, bin him off and block him. I've a similar 'contact' on fb, I rarely use it but he'll pop up from time to time with a 'hey, how are you/what's up?' msg... Even though I've clearly zero interest/never respond/forget to block him. I'd assume he's just making his way through his contacts hoping someone will eventually bite? Alas it will not be me 😂

Newbie1999 · 26/01/2021 07:41

Why did it change things? In what way? Huge red flag.

Bluntness100 · 26/01/2021 07:46

Surprised at some of these responses. I think it’s totally fine to not wish to be involved in a relationship with someone with a young child snd to be honest about that.

He is clearly after something casual, a fwb situation, if you’re interested fine, but accept that’s all it is, if that’s not what you’re looking for them cut contact.

Kilcaple · 26/01/2021 07:51

@Bluntness100

Surprised at some of these responses. I think it’s totally fine to not wish to be involved in a relationship with someone with a young child snd to be honest about that.

He is clearly after something casual, a fwb situation, if you’re interested fine, but accept that’s all it is, if that’s not what you’re looking for them cut contact.

Yes, this is my immediate reaction too. I think a decent human being would not want to embark on any kind of relationship, serious or casual, with someone who recently split from the father of her tiny baby.

If, several years on, he’s still only periodically hinting, I’d just find it irritating, passive headfuckery. Shit or get off the pot, hinting man.

Candiscophonous · 26/01/2021 08:02

I read it as implying that he was more interested post baby rather than less? I guess your post can be interpreted two ways. Was he more or less interested ?

Newbie1999 · 26/01/2021 08:03

I’d read that as, it’s changed things i.e. he’s now more interested. If he’s less interested that’s absolutely to be expected.

category12 · 26/01/2021 08:10

If he was properly interested in you, he'd have asked you out again by now.

The popping in & out and hinting are just bait to keep you dangling and interested. I expect it coincides with when he's at a loose end/bit bored.

I'd drop contact if I were you. Not worth the mental energy.

Original poster

pumpkinbump · 26/01/2021 10:37

Sorry yes, less interested because of the baby. Can't really blame him. He wanted to continue dating but I broke it off. He kept in touch now and then.

OP posts:

Bluntness100 · 26/01/2021 10:45

@Candiscophonous

I read it as implying that he was more interested post baby rather than less? I guess your post can be interpreted two ways. Was he more or less interested ?

Now that would be weird anc a cause for concern.

Op, he doesn’t wish a relationship with someone who has a young kid. He’s being up front. He’s not interested in that now. That’s fair enough. Plenty of people don’t. He doesn’t know if you’re into something casual or not.

If not, just cut contact, don’t make it a bigger deal than it is.

Candiscophonous · 26/01/2021 12:52

Ah i see .Then ignore my first post!

MrsVogon · 26/01/2021 13:03

Don't reheat old meat, as my granny used to say. You made that mistake by getting back with the arse ex and having your DC, I'd honestly not hang on to anything this other bloke has said.

Work on your self esteem and find someone else who doesn't see you as a casual fuck (unless you want that).

WhiteboardPens · 26/01/2021 13:35

I'd also read it as he became more interested after he knew about the baby.

seensome · 26/01/2021 13:47

@MrsVogon that's harsh to say op made a mistake by having her DC, even if it didn't work out with her partner. Rude to say she needs to work on her self esteem, she isn't even seeing him for a casual fuck and the guy in question hasn't even offered her that.

Bluntness100 · 26/01/2021 15:52

Op, have you tried on line dating? This guys not the answer, he’s been clear there, if you’re looking for a relationship it’s best to be clear from the start and both start with the same objectives. One wanting casual sex and one wanting something more never ever works.

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