Break up overnight stays

[Worried13256]

I’ve just split up with my partner and we have a 20 month old. I am in bits and panicking that him & his family might try an get custody of my son as he threatened this in an argument. I would never stop him seeing his child so I don’t know where this came from . I am also scared of overnight stays. I have never left him overnight the thought of it fills me with dread. I am the one that he wants in the night - he doesn’t actually wake up now which would make it easier but he will not sleep anywhere else he gets so terribly distressed and scared when we have stayed somewhere else or holiday , all I can imagine is him being somewhere new an upset and wondering where I am. I know he has two parents and he has rights too but do I have to leave him overnight ?

@Worried13256 I know how you're feeling as I went through similar but the dad does have rights to over night stays
Unless you're still breastfeeding. Those overnight stays can be great to catch up on sleep and do stuff you enjoy. You could take up new hobbies on those nights. I normally go for a hike.
It's not easy being a single parent. Unless the other parent was abusive. I'd encourage the relationship.

I would try to see the benefits of it for yourself. It sounds like the reason your ds only wants you in the night is because you are the only person who has had to do the hard work of nighttime parenting. Let your ex step up and do his bit now. His family have no 'rights' per se, but your ds does have a right to time with his dad (assuming he's not abusive or endangering him in anyway). It will take some adjusting, but he'll be fine. When my eldest was 17 months and had never spent the night without me, I went to Australia for 2 weeks for a work conference. It's perhaps slightly different because dh and I are still together, but he was the sole parent for those two weeks and did all the nights and everything else. It was great for both of them. They do adjust and it sounds like you could use a break as well.

Thank you, I don’t think getting back together is an option as my child has heard the bad argument from his bedroom and got scared & started crying - I feel physically sick about this I don’t want him to be damaged by us argueing. We just can’t seem to get along anymore and have not been physical for months, I think I still have PND and he also has some issues he will not get help for.

I’m not breastfeeding anymore he did help with nights in the newborn stage but wasn’t much he could do after that as I co slept and bf.
Thank you for reassuring me that your child was fine when you left for two weeks. I had a very traumatic birth which has made struggle to leave him with anyone.
Do you know how often the overnight stays would have to be ? I do want my son to see his dad as much as possible as he adores him and I can’t deny he is a great father but I’m really hoping he doesn’t try an fight for 50/50 care.

Every situation is different. Your Ds is young. But he has a right to 50/50
I think the common agreement for the non resident parent is every other weekend and one night in the week

My ex wasn't interested. And got caught up at work a lot in the week 🙄. So gave up with that and went eow.

He got unreliable about pick up on Friday and we were kept hanging around so went to sat/sun only.

My children were older 5/11. Ex moved in with ow/gf 12 weeks after leaving the family home. It was a shared flat and kids were sleeping on his bedroom floor.

I liked nothing about the situation at all. Bit just let it go. Kids were safe social services were involved a little further down the line for another reason. But none of the above raised any concerns.

Eldest went no contact. And ex had 1 over night with youngest last year.

It's so very hard when they first are away from you. You do get use to it. And appreciate that time and further down the line you will have space for dating etc. I'm frustrated my kids dad didn't make more of an effort. Because I've not been able to try to meet someone else because I don't have any consistant time away from the children.