Establishing casual or not.. help

[Tairbear]

NC as outing

Looking for advice as zero experience with casual relationships

Met a man through contract work a few months ago. Started speaking via social media then turns flirty and suggestive. I told him I'm not a casual sex kind of woman and he said he wanted to see me regardless. We spoke all day everyday, granted it was me carrying the conversation and him starting it.

Things progressed to sex quick and have slept together twice. I do like him. However since our second sex session he's even harder than before to speak too. I'm angry and embarrassed I allowed myself to sleep with him without any kind of commitment or communication that it was a casual thing.

So now we won't have to see each other again due to the work finishing but he's still sending one line msgs.. starting the chats.

I just want to know where I stand with him.

Please help me formulate a msg that isn't demanding or needy just to ask where he's at with things so I can just have some clarity either way. I can't stop think about him and it's driving to distraction.

I have learned that casual is certainly not for me. I'm far to sensitive.

When he asks to see you again, say you like him a lot but your not sure on how he feels, you won't be sleeping together again unless your exclusive as being casual isn't for you, be very cautious though, if he isn't bitting your hand off to be in a relationship then he isn't serious and if he's not been talking to you much in between seeing you then is actions are saying he wants casual.

If you really think you want to know how he feels definitively then:

"I've been thinking and realised a casual relationship just isn't for me. I totally understand if you aren't on the same page but as we are both adults I wanted to ask you if we are or not, so we can eliminate awkwardness and know where we stand. Let me know what you think?"

But honestly? He clearly isn't for you. You'd know if you were a match, you aren't. You don't want casual and he is happy with it. So in reality I would send:

"I've had a think and what we are doing isn't working for me as I want to be able to pursue a relationship with someone one the same page as me. Thanks for some good times though, it's nothing personal. All the best!"

Following

Thank you for your help

It is uncomfortable coming to terms that you are good enough to shag but not good enough to have a relationship with.

Think I'll send seconded suggestited msg and get it over with. Agh why is it the unavailable ones are the most attractive.

However I do understand it's better to get out now before I get anymore attached and lose any more dignity.

Wow I didn't expect this to knock me so soon.. so disappointed with my actions.

If anyone has any more to add or story's to share please help and hurting woman out

It's not that you're good enough for a shag and nothing else it's that unless you're somewhere very niche, there's a global pandemic going on that is seriously restricting existing relationships let alone the forming of new ones
vs
A biological urge that you both had and fulfilled.

You are already in a casual relationship, no clarification required. If you instinctively know you have no basis of emotional intimacy that could carry you both through to a time where something of more substance could form then let it go, but only you can guage that.