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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Helping a Loved one through depression

2 replies

sungoddess21 · 25/01/2021 17:21

I've recently reconnected with my old boyfriend, just talking again but all of the feelings are still there. We live a flight apart so have not seen each other, due to the pandemic. It's been about 2.5 months and I've noticed he has days on end where he's MIA and not himself, then he comes back and apologizes and carries on. I've always assumed he's just struggling with us reconnecting, as I really hurt him in the past.

Last night, he sent me a text apologizing for disappearing and explaining for the first time) that he has days where he feels really, really low. He lives alone and is struggling with this pandemic, and not seeing people etc. I get the feeling me coming back into his life has made things even harder, because we both just want to be able to see each other in person. I tried to call him but he said he just needed to tell me about his lows, and wants to talk in a little bit. He's a "mans man" and I know it was really hard for him to acknowledge that he isn't doing his best. I told him I was here for him, and I thanked him for letting me in. I also told him he's not alone and his feelings are understandable. He's gone again now, but I know that it was a really big, important, and difficult step for him to send me that and explain what was happening on his end.

I'm not sure what to do now. Do I just let him have his space, or do I let him know I'm still here every few days. I'm worried about him, but I don't want to push him either. I've never dealt with a friend or family member who clearly has depression, but is struggling to identify it or handle it. Its not my job to show him, but I also want him to know I'm here for him.

Any advice would be helpful.

OP posts:
sungoddess21 · 25/01/2021 22:24

bump

OP posts:
RantyAnty · 25/01/2021 23:47

Tell him to get a therapist.

He's lonely and bored and using you as a free therapist and emotional tampon.

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