So I’m sorry for this rant but I am so emotional.
I found out my boyfriend was cheating a few days before I gave birth. We were locked down together and I was heartbroken, it was a very very hard time in my life. I subsequently developed PND which was very hard as I was isolated. We tried when the baby was born to patch things up and that was a mistake. I suppose I just had an idea of family and being in love with our little baby. It turns out he was still texting that woman. So I kicked him out. He now lives 2 hours away back with family.
I’ve tried very very hard probably stupidly to keep us together as a family, even though we might not be together. Our baby doesn’t sleep though and I have very little help here in terms of that. He knows this and sometimes takes the baby to his for a couple of days or stays here and it’s awkward. He now refuses to stay here as “we can’t get on” we can, it’s awkward but I just stay out of his way. And he won’t take baby as cases are now back to being higher. It’s already been over a month since I’ve had a minute to myself, he’s told me a few more weeks and he will get him.
It’s so frustrating to me that he can just check in and when he feels. He wants so badly to be treated like an involved dad and he said he is doing all that he can but I need to stop leaning on him so much. I don’t go to him for emotional support but as he furloughed I do ask when he can next help with our baby.
I’m sorry it’s so long I’m just sat here crying because it’s so far from what I imagined, we always argue about this and it gets nowhere everytime. How do you even deal with this? How can you just be so disconnected from your child that you have all the time to be with them yet choose not to?