Is cheating worse if you’re married ?

[Lauren551]

I’m not cheating and I hope to god I haven’t been cheated on .

We are not married .

However I’ve been through a lot with partner of 11 years , we live together as if we are married and we have 3 children together which got me thinking , do some people view these situations ok to still play field in because they aren’t married ? Do you think some people have this opinion that because you aren’t married it’s not cheating as such ?

I don’t think this at all I think it’s cheating just the same as being married but having gone through some issues with my partner last summer end separating for 6 months after seeing some text messages in his phone that crossed the line of loyalty and honestly I’ve spent more time online on similar forums to this and I’ve seen more than one person refer to not being married as if this justifies cheating ? To me marriage is just paper I’ve never cared for marriage much but would love to hear others views on this ?

Is cheating on your long term partner who you live with and have children with the same as cheating on your married partner ?

If you commit to someone because you love them then you don't cheat. You don't intentional hurt someone you love. Marriage to me is a public vow before God

Cheating is dishonest. I don't want to be with someone who thinks
so little of me and whose words are meaningless.
Cheating is dishonest whether boyfriend/ girlfriend, living
together, married.

I think cheating is just as bad regardless of whether you're married.

However, it can be more complicated when you're married as you can't walk away so quickly. Going through a divorce takes a long time and can get messy!

Cheating is cheating regardless of marriage.

Ive been cheated on in every relationship, from teenage relationships to long term adult ones and it is hurtful, self-esteem crushing and something that tends to make you very insecure and I'd imagine that would be very much the same if it were in a marriage.

I guess the only way I could think marriage would be worse when cheating is if you divorce having the cheating on your mind through the steps of the divorce, maybe it might be a little harder to move on than if you werent married...I could be wrong...I'm not married and haven't divorced so I don't know what's involved etc.

I guess some people hold marriage in a much higher regard as opposed to a long term defacto relationship.

My sister is married and has 1 child and she has always seen marriage as once she's married she will never be a single mum... To her now she's married it's impossible for her to become divorced. Some people have this way of thinking.

Marriage is definitely more than just a piece of paper if you're a SAHM or work part time (due to childcare reasons), due to the financial protection it provides - so I hope you have continued to work full time?

To me, cheating is the same if you're married or in a serious relationship.

my gut says it's worse in marriage because you've actually made the solid, witnessed commitment to not doing it

Outside of a marriage it depends on the relationship of the couple and what commitment they have made to each other. I know a few couples who have slipped into co-habiting and even had DC together, but prefer to see themselves as free from, what they see as, the restrictions a wedding ring imposes. Equally I know unmarried couples who are fully committed to each other for the long term.
It seems you fit into the second category and DP is in the first.

It appears you are being gaslighted to minimise his actions.

You are his long term partner with 3 children it is totally and utterly cheating in the same sense of marriage.

The only difference to you is the fact should you wish to move on and dispose of the cheater you will not be as financially secure or entitled as a person who is married and has been cheated on.

Marriage isn’t ‘just a piece of paper’. It’s a legally binding contract that gives you rights and protections not just while you are married (next of kin, inheritance, etc.) but also if you split up (financial protections, etc.). If you become a SAHP without a marriage certificate you are putting yourself in a very vulnerable position financially. Regardless, cheating it cheating. It doesn’t really matter if it’s within or outside marriage, but if I had 3 children with someone and they weren’t committed enough to be faithful I’d be seriously questioning the relationship.

Emotionally it's the same regardless.

But I wouldn't use the term 'affair' if describing infidelity between unmarried couples, and I wouldn't use the word 'cheating' to describe it between married couples.

Marriage is a legal partnership, if you are not married your relationship has no legal standing. There is no such thing as common law marriage in the UK. In the eyes of the law you are a single person. The law does not see unmarried couples in the same way as married couples, so I suppose society is the same?