Need to talk

[Messinhead0942]

Hi I'm not feeling good right now. My relationship with my partner isn't great but I don't even think he notices ?

My mental health is bad right now and he doesn't even know as he doesn't believe in mental health problems. But I wonder if most of my issues are to do with him ?

We have been together for 12 years since I was a teen. Had two children very young.

Looking back I honestly think what have I done ? I don't recognize myself anymore. I'm so numb and have no energy.
He is just so lazy in the house does no housework bar cook the odd meal which he leaves the kitchen is such a tip I wish he never bothered. Doesn't wash any clothes or pick up after himself. Doesn't take bins out

Drinks a lot , he drank everyday throughout the christmas holidays as was off work. Now he's back doing nightshifts weekly so he just drinks all weekend he's gone through nearly 3 crates of beer and a bottle of whisky.

I know he's not good for me or the children but how do I break it to him? We both don't make a lot of money have no savings and rent is in both names.

I need some help with what to say I don't want to just ramble on and piss him off.

I need a plan .

Sorry this is so long and muddled. But I'm just in such a mess and I need to get it off my chest.

Hide his drink?

Perhaps work out what your options are and what your plan is, before jumping to telling him you want to split up.

Do you have anywhere you can go? Could family help you financially/practically? What's the likelihood of him moving out? Would his family take him in/help him out?

It's very likely living like this is the cause or exacerbating your poor mental health, so getting out of the relationship should help.

He would just go and buy more drink. I've had many arguments about the drinking tried to be nice and understanding but he doesn't see it as a problem but it's a huge one for me.

I don't have anywhere I can go I would like to stay in this house with the DC and him move out. But I feel he would not be happy with that idea.

What I don't get is how you can live with someone for so long and just ignore their feelings and emotions?

Sometimes I feel like he's doing this so I will break it off first but he always goes on about how much he loves me And wouldn't want to be with someone else.

Then why not show it ?
Thank you for your replies

3 crates of beer and a bottle of whiskey is a lot to get through in a weekend. I like a drink and even I read that and thought wow. I'm not sure what advice I can give you, apart from seeing if he'd leave. Hopefully this bumps your post up so someone more knowledgeable will see it 😊.

i think you have to sit down and talk that it is not working.
was he good before? do you love him? do you think you can save or want to save the relationship?
listen what he says.
in situation of a break up he should leave the house for the benefit of the children, their school, etc. children will be the priority for both of you.

You need to sit him down and have a honest talk x

Thank you for your kind replies . My head is feeling a bit clearer today. I do love him and I do talk to him I tell him I hate his drinking Im tell him how unhappy it makes me. It totally dictates our weekends as he starts early afternoon then well into the night. So he sleeps until lunch the next day.

He doesn't say anything back when I tell him how much I hate it or his lack of doing any housework just says he's tired from working all week and is he not aloud to enjoy himself 😪.

He is very selfish and I'm just fed up of it now. I feel like I need to put myself first for once and the children.