This is slightly sex related but it's not the main issue so I thought it was better here.
My husband and I are having counselling as we're arguing a lot at the moment. It boils down to not seeing each others' points of view/point scoring made worse by my husband's stressful work.
So this morning we had sex and I asked him at the beginning not to touch my breasts as they were tender. He did touch them and I told him again and then he did it again quite hard and it hurt.
At this point I pushed his hand off and we stopped. He didn't apologise straight away but said he had misunderstood. As I felt I had been really clear (twice) this made me pretty angry. He then apologised and went really quiet and hurt.
We have been married a long time and he's never pushed boundaries before so I was pissed off but I knew it was out of character so an apology would have been fine. At this point though, he said he was really sad and felt alone. So it became more about his feelings than mine.
I tried to understand how he was feeling and why but he couldn't tell me beyond the hurt and the feeling of being alone (we're ironically supposed to be working on empathy this week!) After a few hours he still had a sad demeanour so I asked him if he was feeling better "a little" he said. I got pretty pissed off at this point! And he said he couldn't control how he felt. I said he could and he should stop moping.
We have argued about it off and on all day. I couldn't eat lunch due to a horrible anxious feeling (I hate an atmosphere and he knows it). When I told him he said "that's how I feel".
I feel this is all upside down. I know he's not some dodgy rapist but I am at a loss as to how this has become my fault and my problem to solve. I think he does struggle to unpick his feelings and behaviour so I don't mind giving him time to think stuff through. However it was the sad face etc... I found hard to put up with 5 hours later! Unless I brought it up I think he wouldn't mention it with the hope it might go away.
I'm really tired of it all. What are your thoughts? Obviously you're only getting my side. I think his would be he was taken aback by the strength of my reaction, he was upset at himself (he only told me this after 8 hours!), needed reassurance from me (again he only told me this 8 hours later!) and needed time to think it through.
The counsellor says we are bad for taking about "fault" and he did bring this up today. However, I feel that this is a bit different from your usual argument about who did what and whose fault it is! The fact that he said this makes me wonder if he thinks he's not done anything wrong!
Sorry for the epic OP. Bit sad and mad tonight 