I want to cheat.

[AllTheRageBackHome]

So I've been too scared to post about this for ages but I really need to write it down.
Name changed so not connected to my previous posts, but previously posted about horrendous alcoholic/gambling partner who I chucked out a year ago. We have a 4 year old. Just before all of Covid happened I let him come back as he had been sober for months and I needed help. I told him this was a co-parenting deal not getting back together.

But it's now been a year, him mostly furloughed, no drinking, no gambling and being a really bloody good dad, and support for me as I still have to work. But we've never really addressed the relationship issue. When we have he gets annoyed and says I should be over it by now and it's been a year (his gambling has caused him debts that will last 8 years so I hardly think a year is a big deal, and also I think it's up to me when I'm "over it". )
I know I've named this thread "I want to cheat" and that is what seems to be at the forefront of my mind right now. I've developed a friendship/emotional affair with a male friend and I know I could for sure cheat, and it plays on my mind a lot, obviously because no sex and trouble at home, but also the first few years of my daughter's life I felt like I didn't want anybody full stop. But now I'm starting to feel as though I deserve to be happy too.
The crux of it is though, I'm now in a satisfactory if albeit sexless relationship and I can't fathom the idea of being away from my daughter for half the time. So do I suck it up, try and make this work with a man whose ultimately betrayed me and lost my trust but who has been awesome for a year and I probably could make it work. Or do I realise that my desire to cheat is actually me knowing that I can't make this work.
I'm not going to actually cheat, I'm just trying to unpick what this means.
Sorry long post

I would tell your partner to leave if there is no relationship,then you can be happy and get on with your life.

It seems like he thinks you’re back together so you need to clarify that with him if in your view you’re not

Tell him to move back out

If it's a relationship where you feel unable to discuss things with him because he gets annoyed (such as whether you're going to continue the relationship), that's hardly "satisfactory" is it? No wonder you're looking elsewhere!

Leave the relationship you’re in.
If you’ve taken him back you can’t hold the past against him, it’s unfair.
However you still clearly don’t work so just end the relationship and see where things go from there with the other man, just take it slow for your DC.

I understand how you feel as I was in a similar situation when I was younger.
However your DC comes first and having that happen to your family can build a lot of resentment in them, I learned when I was younger, it’s better to have separate happy parents then miserable ones in the same bed, your DC will pick up on it.

I hope all goes well for you.

But... is the relationship awesome "albeit sexless" or are you just ploughing along? Do you want sex with him? Does he with you? I think in your circumstance... its been long, no affection... you will end up seeking it somewhere else... you say he is better now, is he? Better to the point you want your life with him? I think if you truly think he has turned a corner and you would like to fight for your family and relationship you can put those feelings to the other guy down to whatever circumstances and carry on working on your partnership to improve it. If you are just kinda surviving and really him being sober now etc doesnt make up for all the past pain.... get out. Find your happy. Dont just stay for staying... it's hard... but maybe he had his chance and now its a little too little too late...

It means that the relationship is over for you.

Leave the relationship, it's never going to improve. Too much history and upset, and you've clearly ''emotionally checked out'' of the relationship.

How are you today op x

Hi @Itstimetoquit much the same really. I'm swinging back and forth. To those people who said he doesn't think we're broken up, you're right and that's mostly because apart from no sex and horrible arguments I've let him think that. It's just been such a weird year. How do you make big life decisions when everything seems so fucked. And in the middle of it all we did have some good times.

I'm literally falling asleep at night fantasising about leaving him. Not particularly even for other man. Just to be free. I feel really pathetic.

Also although you can't see because name changed but I read through all my old posts last night and it's depressing reading the things that he did. No wonder I can't get over them. I need to get a backbone and sort this.

If you knew me IRL you wouldn't think I'd be this pathetic and indecisive. I present as quite successful/ good job/ friends. This just makes me feel so useless.