Ex's past

[ochreogre]

When you're in a new relationship , do you take your new bf/ gf past into account when growing the new relationship . Nothing sinister but from mn, I've really learned that we are always listening to only one side of the story when we cannot factually know both sides .
I have no gut feelings or bad feelings of badness but am
Aware that my new boyfriend believes that he was in a toxic dysfunctional relationship and from his accounts , it seems that it certainly was . However, I have only his side to go on . I have no reason to disbelieve him .
He is nothing but unfailingly consistent , kind, equal and adoring . We have not had any major issue in sox months , nor minor issue either but am fearful of trusting again and being made a mug of .
It may come across that I am not ready for a relationship. After over a year of counselling and healing, I know that I am and was very hesitant in entering a new relationship until I was sure but perhaps this is the default position of a betrayed wife of decades . Thanks for listening .I would appreciate your opinions .

Anyone please?

I think unless we know otherwise we listen to what they are willing to divulge and make our own assumptions and decisions from there on. My ex would tell me snippets if I asked.. I'm not sure all of it was fair or true but what do you do?!

Agree with above pp.
It depends what the person is saying about their ex. I think its always best to make your own judgment and look out for any red flags or bad feelings and think about yourself and your needs and what you want out of the relationship.
IMPO its a put off for me if anyones labelling an ex psycho.

He has two
Ex 's of significance . He speaks very highly of one as she is an excellent mother to their child but as spouses , it didn't work. The other though , he doesn't actively speak
Badly about her but speaks about their shared experiences and past where emotional and physical abuse were featured of the relationship . Him subject to physical abuse
And control.
With sadness . And it sometimes
Turns his Mood to Melancholy based on the relationships he sacrificed at that time
for peace and harmony . Ie family and friends . Those relationships have been restored now .somewhat.

Just listen to him at first personally my ex tells everyone that he was arrested and why of course he spins it but seriously if you got with a guy and he said his ex had him arrested for raping and attacking her and he was out on bail why wouldn't you run? But nope he had another woman locked in before his case was dismissed and before he had finished harassing her too so be aware there are two sides to every story sometimes the story is enough for you to nope out of a relationship

Watch out for red flags but otherwise judge someone based on your relationship, not what may or may not have happened with others.

We all have a past and ultimately relationships fail as the couple aren't compatible. Yes over a long period of time things will have 'happened' but without the full context or being there I don't think you should be hasty in judging.

It's better to be single than in a bad relationship but I dont think on here is representative of RL. Its often those that have had a bad experience.

Everyone has a past, but you can only go on what you're told. Just listen to your gut and watch out for red flags, but also if you're enjoying yourself then go with it

Everyone has a lesson they learned in an d relationship ship. If he is treating you well and with respect I wouldn't give his past a second thought, its nice that he has been honest with you.

I hear you OP, I carry anxieties about trust too.
It’s hard because you can forgive but never forget and I think it’s perfectly natural to sometimes look for signs of deceit when that’s what you’re used to
Sometimes I wish my emotions were the same as when I was 18 and so care free and undamaged. But this is life. Enjoy the relationship, try not to overthink or dwell and if you think you need to chat to someone talk to your DP or a friend

I would also say your gut instinct kicks in if somethings amiss.
My ex did certain things and I'd think? At the end of the day if you're not comfortable then you'll know

Would just watch him not think about the ex as others have said there is two sides to every story

I sometimes feel that I am overthinking and feel in constant high alert ... but since the deceit which knocked the stuffing out of me , I do this with every interaction until I check myself . It's definitely getting easier and I'm becoming more trusting , albeit slowly , but maybe this is normal