Just getting in the car and leaving....

[Waltzine]

I’m not going to, by the way.

But, I remember feeling like this when DS was young and not sleeping. I feel like I could easily just get in the car, drive away and just set up home in a little flat by myself somewhere. I’m feeling like it again today - dh and I aren’t getting on at all, asc ds is being difficult, I can’t bear to tell dd, who hates remote learning, that she’ll likely be doing it till Easter.

If it weren’t for the children, I’d be in the car driving away to just start again.

Tell me I’m not the only one.

You are not the only one op.

I could have written much of your post. I've even looked at a few places on-line today. I am not going to act on it though. Not yet!

Things have not been too good for a while. I'm waiting for counselling. I could never leave my dc so need to try and make the most of where I'm at for now.

Same op. If I had the guts to, I'd be gone with the kids

Same here! If only there was some where to go

You are not alone.

yeah, id do a shirley valentine

So many people feeling the same :(

@wizzywig, your post made me realise that I’m only imagining leaving alone as it doesn’t cost much to rent a 1 bed flat anywhere in the country - somewhere thats cheap. But if i left with the kids I’d have to stay local and couldn’t afford the rent even on a 3 bed flat near me (asc ds, especially, needs to stay at his current school). Rent for a 3 bed flat in my town is double what we’re currently paying mortgage on a 4/5 bed detached house with large garden....

I suppose that’s why I’m only imagining upping and leaving and not doing it :(

That's what I've worked out too Waltzine. There wouldn't be enough space...and I'm not just talking about the luxury of a spare room (I have 3 dc).

I was looking at houses for sale in my hometown earlier, you’re not alone 💐

Oh yes.

Especially when the kids were little. I used to work next door to a big mainline train station and would pop there for a coffee at lunchtime.

I had to stop in the end. the temptation to just jump on a train, any train, and fuck off was too great.

There is always somewhere to go if you are brave to do it.
Not easy - but I did similar 18 months ago.
The feeling the first night of no drama was utterly extraordinary.

Not judging anyone - as I made excuses that i'd never afford to live - but my only regret is not doing it years earlier.
Do it.
This year.

Write down the pro's and con's. Genuine cons. Not made up ones in your head about not affording it.

You simply cut cloth accordingly, and turns out my 4 bed extended detached house in best part of town with 3 foreign holidays a year and 2 new cars DON'T actually matter a jot. Its all fake.

Happiness is no drama. Money doesn't make happiness.
Empower yourself. Do it this year,

I've given up a jointly owned detached house in a v swish area, and am paying more for a townhouse rental. I will buy a house later this year in my old university town, much much cheaper and a great city, after this key schoolyear. It has not been easy by any reckoning but I am now on course to a, hopefully, contented life. Goodbye tears, daily misery and drama.

Brilliant to anyone who’s had the guts to do this, good for you!!!

Can I just add that it gets easier and better the older the children get? We’ve had our ups and downs and both wondered if it was worth it, should we leave etc. Sometimes you have to just hang in there because things do get better. Kids really do change your life, your whole perspective, your whole sense of worth and your relationship with your partner but as they grow and they don’t need you in that same way any more, your relationship gets better again, you realise what it is you need from a relationship again and you begin to cherish again what you once had.
This may not be true for everyone, but it could be possible for most xx

No you really aren't alone in feeling that way... Ive felt like that all day, been looking up houses for rent that I know I could never afford especially with 2 little ones.
My relationship is beyond ridiculous now. Im just going through the motions. I want to leave yet im petrified to do and gutted that I don't have financial stability. I think if I did, I'd have gone last christmas! But slowly I am building myself up to do it in the future. Me & the kids in our own place with no one to answer to!

I've also been on the otherside of wanting to get up and go totally alone as well. Told myself (still do) that I'm a pathetic mother and my kids would be better without me. Often thought about just hoping on a plane to the other side of the world like my dad done when I was 3 which is my dd age now and then I realise how messed up i would leave my kids, that their mother ran away!

But sometimes things are just so damn hard whether its been a hard day with the kids or relationship issues things build up and you feel like you are suffocating. Just before Christmas I had a bad week with my ds. Awake every night crying relentlessly and I snapped one night at 4.30am. I couldn't take anymore or the fact my lazy ass partner wouldn't get up out of bed to help bear the strain. So I woke my partner and said I'm leaving you deal with our son for a change got in the car and just drove with tears streaming down my face. Ill never forget it. I drove to lough near by and genuinely thought about just driving the car into it. But I couldn't do it. Only for my kids and family.
So yes you are definitely not alone. And tbh im glad ive read your post tonight because I've been feeling so guilty for wanting to run away and thinking I'm not normal or a terrible mother for feeling I need to get away from the kids

It’s a daily dream,,,,, or that he just calls and says am moving out, one day one day

@LionelMessy

There is always somewhere to go if you are brave to do it. Not easy - but I did similar 18 months ago. The feeling the first night of no drama was utterly extraordinary.

Not judging anyone - as I made excuses that i'd never afford to live - but my only regret is not doing it years earlier.
Do it.
This year.

Write down the pro's and con's. Genuine cons. Not made up ones in your head about not affording it.

You simply cut cloth accordingly, and turns out my 4 bed extended detached house in best part of town with 3 foreign holidays a year and 2 new cars DON'T actually matter a jot. Its all fake.

Happiness is no drama. Money doesn't make happiness.
Empower yourself. Do it this year,

Agree with all of this. There is always a way and sometimes the first steps are temporary. When I left my ex, my DC and I stayed at my best friend's for a few months, I had to go..there was no other way of doing it.

The first night in my new house was bliss. I wish I had done it earlier and had stayed in that relationship more years than it should have gone on. My friends remember me being in tears at times and just wanting to leave, but never having the strength to make the move. There were times I would stand in the shower crying my eyes out saying to myself how much I hated him.

The old chestnut of 'life is too short' is too very true. There is a way out.

There probably is a way out but it isn't always instant.

I'm a sahm. dcs are running riot and trashing the house. Middle dc has challenging behaviour and just switches off most of the time when I try to do home ed. Eldest (teen) goes around saying she hates her life. She is bright but doesn't put the effort in. I've probably become over invested in my dc because of my abusive upbringing.

Husband turned to porn (discovered by accident). Then I really thought about things and realised I'd not been getting the affection/attention for years and at times had been subject to emotional abuse (albeit mild). Although our relationship hadn't been good, it was at least sustainable/no atmosphere. He treats me like a child. I have never felt lonelier. No parents. No siblings. Don't feel I can offload to friends (who probably wouldn't have much of a clue what is happening, they don't live nearby). Wondering how life got to this and how it can get better. Wouldn't look for another relationship yet don't want to be alone (can't really explain why - just the concept of someone being there) even though it makes me feel rubbish to be in a failing relationship. I have no job, no anchor to start afresh. Will have to build up a social life from scratch. Everything seems like a massive uphill climb. Awaiting counselling - delayed by covid.

I would love to start afresh but I don't think you can all that easily where young dc are concerned (at least I get support with looking after dc in view of challenging behaviour). Things are limited as to what you can do around school hours etc. When I look to the future and this runaway place I see only a void. Everything seems too difficult and disruptive. If you read the threads in relationships - some people are full of regrets that they left etc. unless in an abusive situation. It feels like a huge gamble. I have a history of anxiety which has meant I have not really progressed in jobs. Mid forties now...juggling work and dcs appears stressful (financial change looming - looking to see what income will be, there might be just enough that I wouldn't have to work full-time if we split). I really take my hat off to people who have made the break. If you turned the clock back 3 years ago, I would never have imagined feeling like this.

Current feeling today. Seriously fucked off with everything. Then i feel like the shittest mum ever.

@Hairwizard can I share the gold on that shittest mum ever award? I bloody hate these prison sentences sorry I mean lockdown 😬

Fking house arrest sucks donkey balls.
@feelingchicken99
Glad to lol.

Never known anyone who regretted moving on.
Why stay and be miserable. Will your kids thank you in future for choosing to keep them in a toxic household?

There is always a way.

Squirrel away some money every time you do the weekly food shopping (get cashback of £10 or £20 maybe)

Set up a rental flat so somewhere to go, or don't rule out staying with family or friends for a few weeks until council can get you emergency housing.

I did it against all logic. You can do it. So why choose NOT to do it?