First love

[suchatwat]

Do men ever get over that ? In a relationship with a very lovely man for just over a year . He has been married twice. Background he was 19 fell in love with A , totally besotted, she left him seen the world, meanwhile he met first first wife (I suspect rebound) anyway they had a child so married , sadly child died. Marriage failed and afterwards metup with first love, married for second time (married 16years) apparently she had problems with alcohol. When we met they were still living in the same house, separate rooms, since now divorced and she has left .
Not sure what I am asking here, just feel he is not over her even though he tells me I have changed his life completely for the right reasons and he loves me, just feel a bit confused, can you wise men help me out ?

I think you just have to believe it, unless he still overly talks about her. Just because he's been in love before, it doesn't mean he can't love again, by the time he met you, the marriage was in a bad way separated with them in separate bedrooms, I doubt he loved her alcohol problem so I wouldn't worry.

I think they absolutely can get over it, but they have to be honest with themselves and others, and not date until they’re genuinely over their ex. It took my DP three years but I respect him massively that he didn’t try to date, and risk really hurting an innocent woman, during that time.

Has anyone ever had a first love disappear entirely from their lives? It has been 16 years since my first love and I broke up. We were childhood sweethearts, together from age 13-21. We were each other’s first proper relationship, lost virginity, proms, etc. We grew up in the same town and would spend every day together throughout our early years. When we were exiting our teens, the relationship began to strain ever so slightly. He was going to university and his network of friends changed. We stopped spending as much time together and I felt as if I needed to experience life without him and broke up with him. After some months had passed, I desperately missed him and I tried to get back with him, I tried for months but he simply refused. I told my girlfriends some lies as to why the relationship ended, that he had cheated and treated me poorly but really he done neither. He was so good looking, kind, caring and I hated that I had lost him. I think I always took him for granted. We still used to message privately sometimes on social media but when he found out I lied about our breakup he was so disappointed that he didn’t even get angry, he just cut me off completely. We didn’t even get to put it all out there in one final big fight, he just walked away. Soon afterwards I got married and had children. He is married now too and we actually live in the same town still. The strange thing is that we have never properly run into one another. I have seen him in a restaurant on a night out but he was with his wife and wouldn’t look once at me. Apart from very brief encounters in malls or supermarkets we just don’t meet. When we have, I say hello to him but he can barely say hello back. He doesn’t even look at me, just through me. I think it hurts that I lied all those years ago. When trust is broken with him, that’s it, he can just move on. Things are going well for him, he is successful in his work and he seems genuinely happy, which makes me happy. I am also very happy in my marriage. Just over lockdown I thought about him a lot. Friends of mine had said on group chats that they had spoken to ex bf’s here and there and it all seems so normal and mature. I haven’t spoken to my ex in 16 years and never felt we had proper closure. I know that is not even a thing but I just feel that we were so so close for so so long and then for that just to disappear forever, well it’s quite sad. I am not looking to make contact with him, just wondering if anyone else has gone through similar? I find myself thinking about it a lot because I feel it’s just such an odd situation. If I did talk to him, I don’t even know what I would say. So, has anyone else ever been in my shoes? Any stories? Tnx

@Ginatxs2 you'll probably get better replies if you start your own thread. But briefly, I don't know anyone in my own friendlist who is still in touch with their childhood sweetheart / first love / whatever. You seem unhealthily focused on this long-dead relationship and I'd suggest that some counselling might help you resolve this in your mind.

I wish I could figure out how to post a thread. Half an hour on here and cannot create one.

Click/press the "Relationships" link at the top of the thread, then select "Add thread".

Thank you.❤️