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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Mum accused me of lying?

6 replies

StaceyLWard · 23/01/2021 22:53

Me and my mum have a bit of a rocky relationship which started when I moved out when I was 20.

She's always been distant since then and just doesn't seem to be bothered about our relationship. I'm always the one texting her first and visiting her (Pre covid)

At the beginning of December I seen her as we were planning xmas (I live alone so she's part of my social bubble) During this visit she asked me if I'd spoke to anyone about her. I said I hadn't and if anyone asked me about her I'd tell her. She said someone had mentioned something similar to what we spoke about when I last seen her. She went on to call me traitor and it was too much of a coincidence for this person to talk about something similar. I left the next morning and said I'd seen her at xmas.

About a week before xmas she asked me to meet her in town to help pick up last bits for xmas day. We agreed to meet at 11:30 but she never showed or responded to my texts telling her I was there and waiting. She left it for two days and text me to tell me what she was watching on telly. I ignored this as I had nothing to say. She's done this before where she says she'll visit then just not turn up.

As travel bans were put in place for xmas and as I couldnt drive I wasnt able to spend xmas at hers. I spoke with my brother and told him I wouldnt be visiting. I received no messages from then until xmas day. I text her on xmas morning saying happy xmas and she messaged back the same thing. We spoke a bit but the conversation was frosty. after ignoring my last message she messaged me two hours later and asked if I was still talking to the person she asked about. I told her I haven't spoken to them before and I'm not talking to them now. She then replied with 'So you have talked to them then' At this point I'd had enough and told her I have enough stress with work, my friends and my own private life without doing that. She then just responded 'Okay speak to you in a few days'. She didnt message after that. I messaged her on NYE at midnight saying 'Happy New Year xx' She just responded 'Happy new year' And we haven't spoken since.

I don't know what to do with her but I feel so hurt she accused me of lying and going behind her back with no evidence. It's now been a month since we last spoke and honestly I've felt so much better since.

Is it bad for not messaging her again because I feel better off?

OP posts:
Vigorothello · 23/01/2021 23:07

She sounds horribly toxic.

candide47 · 23/01/2021 23:13

You may be better off distancing yourself and starting to form bonds with people who treat you well. It's upsetting when you don't have a great relationship with a parent, but it's more common than you think. Don't feel bad about the relief you are feeling from not having contact, embrace it, reduce the contact you have, from what you have said your mum is not a positive part of your life.

Aussiebean · 24/01/2021 07:53

Nope. Not bad at all. In fact you are putting up healthy boundaries.

Enjoy the silence.

AlwaysCheddar · 24/01/2021 07:59

Don’t brushing her shit under the carpet. Don’t text her. She’s vile.

SaltedCaramelIcedLatte · 24/01/2021 08:05

What a horrible situation, distancing yourself seems like the best option. You deserve better than this

MrsAudreyShapiro · 24/01/2021 08:07

You are not bad. Her treatment of you is terrible. If you feel better for not contacting her, continue on that path.

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