are all guys this messy?

[cosmikdebris]

seriously, ive never met a clean and organised guy, and my partner is just the same. i dont know how to encourage it either. i used to be able to just about keep on top of all the sorting and cleaning, but since our daughter was born 7 months ago the apartment constantly looks like a bombs gone off!
clothes and empty wrappers on the floor, constant dirty dishes, washing sitting in the washing machine overnight, dust etc etc. its impossible for me to keep on top of it. ill spend an hour cleaning while baby naps and its back to chaos by the end of the day. our appartment is small anyway, we havent been able to move bc of covid, but its not difficult to help with the dishes once in a while, or is it?
im not perfect myself, my worst habit is leaving wet wipes on the side or empty drinks bottles on the desk. but thats so easy to fix in a few seconds, he just seems lazy. i havent seen him touch the dishes in 7 months, unless he needs something thats dirty. he asked me how the washing machine works the other day when i asked him to put a wash on. we've had this washing machine for 1.5 years.....
he'll complain its messy but not do anything about it, or get mad about not being able to find things, but not tidy up or even look for it, he'll just give up.
i dont really know what im here for, just desperately hoping im not the only one with a messy/lazy partner!

Leaving dirty nappies around isn't being a bit scruffy, it's being disgusting and unhygienic.

Norway how can you even have sex with a man - let alone a baby - who leaves dirty underwear lying on the floor.

Of course all men aren't like this, I've got two bothers, a father, brothers-in-law and a husband ... none of whom are 'clean freaks' but none would leave dirty washing lying around, unwashed plates, rubbish on the floor etc.

Why are so many women's standards so low?

I don’t just mean a little bit untidy either, I’m talking piles of dirty nappies on the floor and piled up dishes in the kitchen. So gross, I don’t think he’d cope if I wasn’t around which is worrying really.

Omg. That makes me feel ill. And he did this while you were unwell! The disrespect!

I don't know what amazing qualities could outshine this utter filthiness...but I guess we all have different standards

I should declare now that I don't think 'most men' are somehow naturally disgusting, just that most people seem to have insanely low expectations of straight men.

@Norwayreally

Not all men, no but definitely a large proportion. I think I probably dated one tidy guy when I was younger, his flat was pristine but he did own it so think he valued it more than ones who lived in a rented house share. The others were often pretty disgusting tbh.

Been married for years and DH is a total scruff, I still have to prompt him to pick his dirty undies and towel up off the bathroom floor after a shower. I had a baby 6 months ago and had a really rough recovery (c-section problems, ended up re-admitted to hospital for 3 days), the house looked abysmal until I recovered enough to sort it out. I don’t just mean a little bit untidy either, I’m talking piles of dirty nappies on the floor and piled up dishes in the kitchen. So gross, I don’t think he’d cope if I wasn’t around which is worrying really. Great guy in every other aspect, just rubbish at tidying!

@Norwayreally He couldn't even be bothered to clean the house when you were recovering from a C-section and left it for you to do later when you had just had his baby?!

I understand letting things go somewhat untidy but that's just shocking. And piles of dirty nappies is filthy and a health hazard to you and the baby.

Why make excuses for men like this?

It's interesting that those who put up with utterly filthy men are saying it's the norm but those who don't, are saying the opposite. I think a lot of it comes down to how much a woman puts up with.

If a woman's standards are bottom of the barrel low and she expects to be a man's personal maid and doesn't mind men who treat the house like a dustbin, then she attracts the very men who will treat her that way and they naturally will stay with the new mummy they've acquired. They have no need to change because the she has set the dynamic early on.

He hasn't know how to use the washing machine for 1.5 years? Presumably you were washing his clothes for him? Before the baby came along, were you both in FT work? Why were you doing his washing for him?

Maternity leave rather blurs the lines around housework, but before the baby he should have been doing doing his fair share of chores.

What's he like with childcare? Is he one of these men who thinks you sit around all day doing nothing on mat leave?

It's worth pointing out here that my father - born in nineteen-thirty-one - shared housework tasks equally when he first got married and they both worked full-time, and washed up practically every Sunday and several weekdays that one of us couldn't be persuaded to do it

And it wouldn't occur to him to leave his dirty underpants on the floor, or not to deal with a dirty nappy (he would have highly disapproved of JRM).

No.

Awful and disrespectful, you must be exhausted.

Please sit him down and explain it needs to change or the consequences, rather than just ask and ask and ask, you aren't his manager or boss abs he needs to have respect for you.

I'd give him a timeframe to change and don't let him minimise how important this is for you and your relationship moving forward.

God I pray I've raised my sons to never have a wife or partner that feels this way. No excuses.

I don't get why women who excuse lazy, untidy men seek to justify by saying all/most men are like that. No they're not.

3 brothers. DP. None of them are like this. My Dad wasn't either. Amongst friends, some men I know are maybe a little messy but absolutely nowhere near as extreme as described here and in similar MN posts.

For women who take on this nonsense, your standards are low. So you've likely accepted the son of a lazy slob of a man whose norm was a Dad who sat back whilst Mum did everything in the home, and she in turn accepted skivvying for boys and men.

I can't even think what could be attractive about a man who'd happily sit in a dirty home and not lift a finger to clear up mess, some of which he created. Who is he, Stig of the Dump?

Can't even use the washing machine FFS...Maybe this type of man homes in on enablers...

@DeeCeeCherry

I don't get why women who excuse lazy, untidy men seek to justify by saying all/most men are like that. No they're not.

3 brothers. DP. None of them are like this. My Dad wasn't either. Amongst friends, some men I know are maybe a little messy but absolutely nowhere near as extreme as described here and in similar MN posts.

For women who take on this nonsense, your standards are low. So you've likely accepted the son of a lazy slob of a man whose norm was a Dad who sat back whilst Mum did everything in the home, and she in turn accepted skivvying for boys and men.

I can't even think what could be attractive about a man who'd happily sit in a dirty home and not lift a finger to clear up mess, some of which he created. Who is he, Stig of the Dump?

Can't even use the washing machine FFS...Maybe this type of man homes in on enablers...

And when they do decide to do something for themselves, the wife will then declare how amazing he is. It’s a sad cycle of tolerated shitiness.

I'm the messy one in the family, tbf, it's not always the man.
5 crumbs on the counter & DH will moan about "who left a mess!"
I don't put my dirty mug/plate away within 20 seconds of putting it down -- intolerable.
Dust & washing in machine don't bother me...

I don't complain about mess though. Not lifting a finger & complaining is truly pants.

Not all men are like this! My DF was always on top of things more so than my DM. With my ex the only time the house wasnt great was when we were both doing really long shifts. But we still washed up and kept the main areas clean. Then we would both have a day off and blitz it. I'm a clean freak and it makes me so anxious when things are not clean and tidy. A grown man leaving wrappers on the floor, really?