Codependency recovery

[fearfulexchange]

I am recovering from years of codependency, it has been an awful time and I'm just starting to feel strong again.
I am completely lacking in confidence as I move forward to form new relationships. I have decided to start dating again and it is making me extremely anxious.
I know to take it one step at a time and keep an objective view on things but my last two relationships really took it out of me - I am in complete fear of myself.
Can anyone relate?

I found Six Pillars of Self-Esteem book very helpful. Seek out positive influences amongst friends and family too. Ultimately though, it takes time, so... baby steps :) x

Have a look at SLAA support groups - they were amazing for me. Not sure what’s happening during lockdown though. Good luck OP!

SLAA meetings are online and read the melody Beattie 12 steps book

I found "Co-dependency for Dummies" more helpful than the Melody Beattie book.

There are also CODA meetings (co-dependents anonymous) in more normal times in bigger cities.

I started a thread about healing from codependency five days ago. It’s here:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/4141074-Healing-From-Codependency

Sorry for the stupid question but how do you know you're codependent? I have issues with self esteem and have had terrible relationships in various ways.

@Readingandrighting I saw that thread after I posted. It was helpful- thank you.

Thanks everyone - for your advice.
I will have a look at your suggestions.

I find this a bit of a struggle to navigate round, every time I try to move forward I'm in fear of going backwards.
It just feels like a daily battle at the minute.

@MissLI I have found that co dependency is slightly different for everyone. For me it is a slave morality of people pleasing and staying / surrounding myself in toxic relationships that are of no benefit to me.
There are a varied range of common symptoms - lack of confidence, low self esteem, not being able to say no, putting everyone else's need before your own, lack of boundaries.

I have most of those, I can't say no, I try hard to please, try to fix people, have low self esteem, I'll put other people's needs first. If I can't fix them I get angry with them. I need to be adored to feel good about myself. It's all not great

That's sounds about right!!

Awareness and observation of myself I find helpful- learning about it, understanding myself and why I am this way.
It's an extremely painful process to begin healing from.

I relate. I came out of a 15 yr relationship in July 2020. He was/is an alcoholic and I was so dependent. I did not realise that until after abs j started trying to work out what the heck I had been doing.

I have been incredibly lucky to meet a wonderful man since the split and j am working hard to notice the signs and communicate what is going on with myself and my boyfriend. It will be a constant work in progress. I have the melody beatie book and it is helpful. I am still not sleeping well and working hard to still detach from my ex. I still want to fix stuff (even after the cheating, lying and drinking). It is exhausting but I have reached out for help and worked hard to understand myself better.