Sorry this is long but don’t want to drip feed.
DP and I have been together many years and have DC together age 10 and under. Up until now we haven’t been fussed about getting married but recently we have been considering it purely for financial reasons.
We haven’t discussed the plan to marry with any family yet.
Ideally we would go to a registry office with just our kids and a witness or elope. We don’t want to spend ££££ on a big event and we both have complicated extended families.
My side of the family would be fine with that but DP’s DM definitely wouldn’t.
The trouble is we don’t want her involved. She is manipulative, controlling and has form for spoiling family events and holidays when she isn’t getting her own way or enough attention. Her tactics include starting arguments, setting people against each other, sulking, feigning illness and leaving early. She is happy to behave this way in front of our DC and her other GC. Setting any kind of boundaries with her is like a red rag to a bull.
When DP’s DB got married she interfered, got competitive with the new in-laws, and bitched about the bridesmaids which she expected me to join in with. She has snobby ideas about what a ‘proper’ wedding is and has complained about other weddings that didn’t meet her approval.
We don’t know whether to go ahead and elope without inviting any family and suffer the consequences of her rage/hurt/bitterness/entitledness afterwards or to bite the bullet and invite both sets of parents (which would likely be uncomfortable and awkward) and siblings to keep the peace but risk DP’s ‘D’M spoiling the day.
What would you do?