Can't live without my dad

[Aliya91]

My dad is passed away in June 22. COVID. After 4 days my granny have passed away.
Thanks for God she didn't know that her son is dead.

My son was 5 month old when it happened.
I'm in maternity leave for the next 2 year before my baby will turn 3y.o.

I felt all alone. We're arguing all the time with my husband because he didn't understand me, he didn't support me. He felt nothing when my dad passed away. The only thing thought: it is summer, I want to have fun with my friends.
After his working day finished he went for a walk.
I've cried all day long and my husband didn't want to take care of me.

Nothing is changed after 7 month.

I'm trying to distract doing sports, learning English and stuff. But it doesn't help.

Waiting for your advice and some words of support.

Thanks to all of you for advance

Sounds like you are having a really tough time, with your Father and Grandmother passing away so close together. Your Husband isn't exactly sympathetic. I know it's not easy joining groups at the moment but have you got any one in real life to talk to? Maybe speaking to your GP about how you feel and getting some sort of bereavement counselling. You need support through two major life experiences, death of loved ones and he birth of your baby. I am not making excuses for your husband but sometimes if men can not 'fix' a problem they are at a loss on how to react especially when it involves deep emotion which they have not culturally been bought up to process. You say that you are learning English, well your English is good. I haven't been much help, but here's a (((((( )))))) hug and hope things get better for you soon.

There must be bereavement groups that meet online. You could start with Cruise or approach your local church, even if you aren’t a member they will help. Also, your local hospice will have a list of organisations. You have suffered two important losses and are unable to get out so you are stuck indoors and are unable to move on. Things will get better for you so please reach out for help.

You have had so much to deal with. A baby, the loss of such an important man in your life and your granny, and in such a short time. I’m so sorry. Your husband doesn’t get it and that must make you feel even more lonely and sad. Well done for doing sports and learning English in all of this. What language do you speak? Are there any ways you can get in touch with people like friends or other family that will understand. Your granny and your dad are in you and your child. Big hug to you. Seems like you could do with some suppportive friends too. Is your husband nice to you normally?

Is your mum still alive ?

@sage46

Sounds like you are having a really tough time, with your Father and Grandmother passing away so close together. Your Husband isn't exactly sympathetic. I know it's not easy joining groups at the moment but have you got any one in real life to talk to? Maybe speaking to your GP about how you feel and getting some sort of bereavement counselling. You need support through two major life experiences, death of loved ones and he birth of your baby. I am not making excuses for your husband but sometimes if men can not 'fix' a problem they are at a loss on how to react especially when it involves deep emotion which they have not culturally been bought up to process. You say that you are learning English, well your English is good. I haven't been much help, but here's a (((((( )))))) hug and hope things get better for you soon.

Thanks a lot* Yes, I have 2 cousins and my closest friend to talk about my issue. And especially my uncle who call me every day asking how am I felling. We are talking for a half an hour every single day. All of them try to help to "SURVIVE". But nothing doesn't help. P.s.: what the GP means?

@DinosaurDiana

Is your mum still alive ?

Yes, she is. But she has health problems. Physically she is healthy, she has an another problem for the 18 year. And it worse than to be unhealthy physically. Did you get what I mean?

@LesleyA

You have had so much to deal with. A baby, the loss of such an important man in your life and your granny, and in such a short time. I’m so sorry. Your husband doesn’t get it and that must make you feel even more lonely and sad. Well done for doing sports and learning English in all of this. What language do you speak? Are there any ways you can get in touch with people like friends or other family that will understand. Your granny and your dad are in you and your child. Big hug to you. Seems like you could do with some suppportive friends too. Is your husband nice to you normally?

I speak Russian. Yes, I have cousins, uncle and classmate. All of them try to help me.but nothing helps. My husband was the perfect man in the world before I gave a birth and we started to leave with his parents. We've been dating for the 11 year before we got married.

GP is General Practitioner. It just means your Doctor. Are you in the UK? If so Cruse is a bereavement charity that may be able to help with support.

I'm very sorry for your loss. It must be very tough especially as you have a young child to look after. You say things changed after you gave birth and you started living with his parents. Do you get along well with your in laws? How is your husband with the baby? It sounds like there are a few different issues going on here.

Hi,
Yes, I understood what you mean about your mother - that she has mental health problems.
I am so sorry things are so difficult for you now.
Sometimes a husband is not able to help you emotionally in the way you need. Please find other people to talk to - perhaps Google 'Bereavement support group' to find online help.
Give yourself time and don't be hard on yourself.

Sorry for your loss. Part of what might be happening is the due to family dynamic betweem you and your husband.
Before your Dad passed and before you had your son, your husband got all your attention. Things were great when it was just the two of you.
Then your Dad got sick, your attention was on that. Then your Dad passed away, your attention was on your Dad and your family. It was all you talked about, all you thought about, other people, not your DH. Then you had your little boy, again, all your attention on the baby of course.
Your DH then withdraws, feels pushed aside. He feels you don't love him anyway. Then this makes you feel he doesn't care.
Turns to his own family and starts acting like he is their kid again.
If you think you want to fix things then talk to him, explain that you can see how he might have felt isolated.
But at the same time, ask him can he see that major life events happened in your family while his family stayed the same.
See if there is a way forward for both of you together as a family. There may or may not be.

@helpfulperson

GP is General Practitioner. It just means your Doctor. Are you in the UK? If so Cruse is a bereavement charity that may be able to help with support.

I live in Russia( thanks for your support 🙏

@WildHorsesRunInMe

I'm very sorry for your loss. It must be very tough especially as you have a young child to look after. You say things changed after you gave birth and you started living with his parents. Do you get along well with your in laws? How is your husband with the baby? It sounds like there are a few different issues going on here.

Sure, we're get on well with my in laws. But I used to live separately from parents since I finished school. And I'd like to live in my own apartment and to be the only person in the kitchen, you know what I mean? Me and my husband have different sides of view. For instants he wants his mother would take care of our baby and I want to do it by myself because it's my baby, I love him more than anyone in the world and it's my responsibility.

@Beancounter1

Hi, Yes, I understood what you mean about your mother - that she has mental health problems. I am so sorry things are so difficult for you now. Sometimes a husband is not able to help you emotionally in the way you need. Please find other people to talk to - perhaps Google 'Bereavement support group' to find online help. Give yourself time and don't be hard on yourself.

Thanks a lot

Sorry to hear of the loss of both your father and grandmother in such a short space of time. That would have been hard to cope with.
I think you should take care of your own baby, I know some cultures think the grandmother should take over but I do not think so in the modern world. It is an ancient method.
It would be great if you could have your own apartment. I would hope your husband would understand why you want this. Isit financially possible for you have your own apartment?
Hugs

@Norealclue

Sorry to hear of the loss of both your father and grandmother in such a short space of time. That would have been hard to cope with. I think you should take care of your own baby, I know some cultures think the grandmother should take over but I do not think so in the modern world. It is an ancient method. It would be great if you could have your own apartment. I would hope your husband would understand why you want this. Isit financially possible for you have your own apartment? Hugs

Actually I have my own apartment, but it has only one living room. The house is old and my apartment is small. But it would be enough for me. My in laws live in a big apartment and in another small town. And he thinks that to live in this town will be better for the baby than to live in a small apartment in a big city. But after my dad passed away I started to hate this town because all the town reminds me my childhood, my dad and other things.

So complicated...

Sorry you may have already said but are you in the UK? You could speak with a bereavement charity such as Cruse that will be able to help you with coping strategies. If you're not in the UK perhaps there is something similar where you are? I think it would be of great help to you to be able to express how you are feeling to a listening ear. I'm sorry your husband isn't more understanding of your pain. Also know that time is a great healer and whilst we never forget our loved ones, there will come a time where you are able to look back and smile. You will get through this and be stronger for it. I wish you all the best.

@WildHorsesRunInMe

Sorry you may have already said but are you in the UK? You could speak with a bereavement charity such as Cruse that will be able to help you with coping strategies. If you're not in the UK perhaps there is something similar where you are? I think it would be of great help to you to be able to express how you are feeling to a listening ear. I'm sorry your husband isn't more understanding of your pain. Also know that time is a great healer and whilst we never forget our loved ones, there will come a time where you are able to look back and smile. You will get through this and be stronger for it. I wish you all the best.

I from Russia.

Thanks for your support. Means a lot for me🙏