My partner of 25 years left me

[Mbai]

My very long term GF left me 12 days ago we have been together for 25 years. I am having a very hard time with it, I just have a few questions hopefully someone can help.
I recently lost both my parents and I have 0 friends its always been just the two of us, I am trying to deal with the loss of my mom (September 2020), the loss of the love of my life, and for the first time ever I am alone, I have never been on my own. Has anyone else here been in that predicament if so how did you cope, I dont drink, smoke, or do anything else. I’m pretty sure I have social anxiety, and adhd, which I’m pretty sure caused a lot more problems than I had realized.
I have told a couple of people at work mainly because I needed an explanation as to why I am bringing my dog to work now (she has been my rock) the question they ask me is did I see it coming? I didnt but I probably should have, I hope with all my heart she is doing ok, we texted just basic things like how the animals were coping. I keep thinking I cant do this, but I dont have a choice. If it wasn’t for the dog I would just stay in bed. Any advice would be welcome, please no bashing of my ex. Thanks

Sorry about your break up and recent bereavements, sounds very hard.

Good that you have a dog, brings some love and normality.

After my last big break up (partner of 10 years) I took up more exercise - yoga, running, helped keep my mind off things. I have ADHD too and exercise really helps me feel calm.

You say you didn't see it coming, but did she give you an explanation?

She asked me to do something, which I forgot about, like I always do. She then blew up and said I’m done I can’t do this anymore. She left that night.

Sorry to hear this OP. It’s early days. We’re you having issues recently? Has your ex given you an explanation as to why she had left after so long? It must be hard.

Do you think it's possible that your ex was completely overwhelmed by being your only source of support?

She has had a short fuse lately, she also takes meds for anxiety and they recently doubled one of them. I’m not sure if I’m looking for reasons that aren’t there. We were in counseling, and the therapist felt we were making great progress. The counselor didn’t see it coming. Afterwards she also broke up with the counselor.

What did you forget to do?

And what do you usually forget to do that annoys her?

It’s possible, she never mentioned anything like that.

I’m pretty sure I have ADHD. I forget everything, not intentionally. I put my phone down go into the next room and I not only loose the phone, I forget I put it down. She could ask me to do something, I would say yes. I had every intention of doing it, I would get up to do it and by the time I left the room I was doing something completely different. I never accomplished what I agreed to do, which was the only reason I was headed to wherever in the first place. But in her eyes it’s me blowing her off, not caring, etc. Now times that by 25 years, I completely understand why she had enough. I have made an appointment with a psychiatrist to get this addressed, I just wish she knew how important she was and she was always my priority. I wish I could show her the real me.

Sorry to hear that op, do you know if she is coming back, is she just wanting some space ?

Have you been pre occupied with something else ie: computer and not been as present as you could be .?

She could ask me to do something, I would say yes. I had every intention of doing it, I would get up to do it and by the time I left the room I was doing something completely different. I never accomplished what I agreed to do, which was the only reason I was headed to wherever in the first place. But in her eyes it’s me blowing her off, not caring, etc. Now times that by 25 years, I completely understand why she had enough. I have made an appointment with a psychiatrist to get this addressed, I just wish she knew how important she was and she was always my priority. I wish I could show her the real me.

If you've known all these years your behaviour was a problem, why didn't you address this years and years ago? How was she your priority when you didn't make her one? I'm very sorry op, but I think this is a prime example of too little, too late. I understand how hurt you are, but I understand how she is completely fed up, too. I think the best thing to do is allow her to move on.

I don’t think so. I had an issue with our dog, she has separation anxiety. When I talked to her about it, she just had this very angry tone on the phone towards me. It felt like she hated me.

Your right, I definitely should have, I have not talked to her about how I feel. I have not asked her to come back. I’m just devastated.

So sorry to read this. You will still be in shock and all you can do is take one minute, one hour, one day at a time.

I am glad you have your dog. My dogs were my rock when I went through a relationship breakdown and helped me keep a routine and get outside for regular exercise.

I am glad you have made an appointment to get support. Whatever your future holds this will be positive for you.

Keep a routine going even on days you don’t feel like it. Eat nice things. Practice self-care...small things every day which you find uplifting whether that’s listening to music, reading or watching a film.

Take care.