New relationship and new feelings what are these feelings?

[Whatisthis83]

I’m going to sound like an absolute donut with this question given that I’m 37 years old and not 16.

I have met a new guy, we have been together for about 4 months now as bf/gf (cringe at my age) but I’ve known him for a year as new friends. Two years ago I left an abusive marriage of 11 years. It took 2 years for me to process what happened and I’m in a much better place now, still healing but doing well. I wasn’t looking for anyone one, just wanted to concentrate on my and my young daughter.

Anyway I met this guy we got on so well, lots of conversation and common interests and it progressed. Given my past relationship I never thought I would trust another but with him was different, he is such a lovely guy. In the beginning I wasn’t sure about my feelings as I have been numb due to the abuse and guarded emotionally. Lately tho I’ve started having these weird feelings like I really want to be around him, I think about him a lot.....what is this? Is this good? He makes me happy and he makes my life a better place...I sound like an idiot I know. I just love his physical contact and I’ve never liked physical contact because of the abuse.

Awww I think you've worked on yourself post abusive relationship, concentrated on yourself and your daughter and now you've reached a place where you can start accepting love. Go with the flow, enjoy all them feelings!! I'm 3 months post split with my abusive ex and I can't wait for the day I feel what you're feeling! Xxx

Awwww you're taking in LUUUURRRVVVEEEEE!!!!!

Don't over think it, just be open and honest. Don't play games, just accept the good he's offering

@Whatisthis83 how lovely......you deserve this happiness. All the very best for the future.

I think it means you are experiencing a healthier interaction and are opening up to that and feeling positive about a relationship. Which can be extremely unsettling after so long with abuse in your life and having to guard and defend your feelings.

It’s not silly to be curious about this and notice it. I’d say it shows you are healing and learning to experience positive emotions again which can be harder than it sounds! After all, who wouldn’t want to experience positive emotions after so long with negative ones? Well, abuse victims, that’s who. It’s not that abuse victims don’t want to feel happiness- but that opening to ANY emotional experience after years of numbness as a defence can be unsettling and even anxiety-inducing for some. Don’t forget your central nervous system reacts to strong emotions - even positive ones. Sometimes traumatised people find positive experiences overwhelming because of this.

So what you’re feeling makes perfect sense really. I’d say enjoy and stay curious about how you feel.